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   PastimesLaughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke


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To: High Grader who wrote (60971)8/29/2021 4:15:22 PM
From: Stephen O
8 Recommendations   of 61088
 
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".
One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!

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From: Savant8/30/2021 12:20:19 PM
10 Recommendations   of 61088
 
Don't know whether to laugh, or grit my teeth.....or shake my head sadly


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To: Savant who wrote (60973)8/31/2021 8:48:35 PM
From: J.B.C.
3 Recommendations   of 61088
 

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From: OldAIMGuy9/2/2021 1:59:36 PM
5 Recommendations   of 61088
 
Oldie but Goodie...............................



A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegally growing drugs.”


I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?…. do you understand?!!”

I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull…. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs,

“Your badge, show him your BADGE!!”


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From: Glenn Petersen9/5/2021 3:09:26 PM
2 Recommendations   of 61088
 


."All we can do now is sit tight and pray."

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To: Glenn Petersen who wrote (60976)9/5/2021 5:13:04 PM
From: Stephen O
3 Recommendations   of 61088
 
I don't get it

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From: Stephen O9/5/2021 6:50:11 PM
3 Recommendations   of 61088
 
A STORY
A story about a fly, a fish, a bear, a hunter, a mouse and a cat
There is a moral to this story, but not exactly the one most of us are expecting!
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake.
The hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular,
"Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."
There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches that fish will jump for the fly...and I will grab him!"
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich....
"Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."
>>
Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one
bank of a lake, but I can tell you there's more....
>>
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish...the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."
>>
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time)' "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly ... and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear...and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich ...then I can have mouse for lunch.
>>
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water
>>
The fish swallows the fly... The bear grabs the fish...The hunter shoots the bear.. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich... The cat jumps for the mouse.. The mouse ducks...The cat falls into the water and drowns.
>>
The moral of the story is:
Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy is in serious danger.

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From: Sun Tzu9/6/2021 9:40:37 AM
1 Recommendation   of 61088
 
Don't fart in an Apple store
.


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To: Sun Tzu who wrote (60979)9/6/2021 12:55:27 PM
From: Stephen O
2 Recommendations   of 61088
 
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."



She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

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From: Pianoman19979/6/2021 7:25:23 PM
6 Recommendations   of 61088
 

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