| From: beck_man | 12/27/2011 2:49:32 PM | | | | | | Hi , MSB I realy enjoyed your letter.Iam just glad we are back in touch with each other. Iam at work got go for know. Talk at ya later
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| To: MSB who wrote (35) | 2/21/2012 12:24:01 AM | | From: MSB | | | | WHO ARE THE WICKED?
Last year, I began to wonder a lot about the parable of the talents especially after I heard the Lord say to me one day "I've given you a gift." In the last seven plus years, there have been three occasions when I heard the Lord's voice in such a way as to get my attention. The first time it happened was when I felt impressed by the HOLY SPIRIT to give an individual a certain amount of money after spending some time in prayer. Having returned to my truck shortly after leaving the church one Wednesday afternoon, I began to complain about the many times I felt impressed to give. I had no more finished muttering my complaint under my breath when I suddenly heard the words, very forcefully come into my mind, "Whose money is it?"
GOD had made it very clear to me some time prior to my frustration with my own financial situation that HE was the ONE who was responsible for orchestrating one's ability to receive HIS blessing. One time HE said to me, "As I have blessed you to be a blessing unto others, I have blessed others to be a blessing unto you." When GOD tells us in Isaiah that HIS thoughts are not our thoughts nor our ways HIS ways, it isn't hard to understand why serving GOD with all our being is an incredible struggle at times. One's faith can often be in one's own ability to fulfill what we've heard in our spirit instead of putting our trust in GOD to bring to pass what HE has told us HE will do.
I was stumped when the Lord told me HE had given me a gift. I really wasn't sure what GOD was referring to. I have to admit, I've found myself struggling with the idea of being able to lose one's salvation. But I was also constantly aware of the fact that I had failed to do what GOD had made it very clear for me to do with regard to my own passion for writing. I knew HE was asking me to do something which there was no way I could bring to fruition on my own, let alone the details of what HE wanted me to say. Now I realize the parable of the talents is about money, but how is a person given two talents which he increases to four, or five which he increases to ten without certain abilities to do so?
In Matthew, chapter 13, Jesus tells his disciples that it is given unto them to know the mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven. The masses which sought HIM out, Jesus referred to as having ears that didn't understand and eyes that did not perceive. Then HE even went on to say that he that hath shall more be given, and he that hath not shall more be taken away. And yet HIS own disciples asked HIM what HE was talking about when they asked Jesus to explain the parable of the good seed and the tares. And I'm thinking, "Wait a minute Lord, YOUR disciples are given the mysteries of YOUR Kingdom, and they don't understand them any more than the people who sought YOU out?" GOD's people are destroyed because of what? Lack of knowledge. Man's knowledge? No, GOD's knowledge or put another way, the wisdom of GOD.
Which one of GOD's "made in OUR image" ever would have figured out on their own without some type of spiritual instruction that the cure for the pain of physical or mental abuse is forgiveness, the cure for poverty is giving, the cure for depression is praise and worship, or the cure for a physical disease is faithfully quoting a whole slew of verses on the promises of GOD regarding healing. The very idea that any of these problems could be solved by what GOD tells us to do is unimaginable in our human way of thinking, and yet hear the testimonies of those who have done what makes absolutely no sense and you'll eventually see that what GOD says to do does work. However, it will not usually come to pass immediately. One has to come to that place in their walk with the Lord where they are steadfastly determined to trust GOD no matter what.
I've also wondered if what GOD tells us to do will work even for those who haven't come to that place in their own lives of admitting to GOD that they and they alone are responsible for their own sins against HIM, asking by the blood of Jesus for forgiveness, and desiring that Christ be their Lord and Saviour determining to seek HIM with all their heart. I don't know the answer, but I remember what happened to the Jews which thought they could call a demon out of someone like Paul did (or was it Peter?) and were quickly whipped up on by it. I do not believe a person will be held accountable because of what was done wrongly to them by another. What one will be accountable to GOD for is how one responded to evil done them by another or what one has initiated towards another with wrongful intent. The "feel sorry for me because" excuse isn't going to cut it, nor will "I would have except that" matter either.
So who are the wicked to which the Bible refers? In short, they are everyone who did not accept the gift of GOD for forgiveness, salvation, and redemption. They are all those who refused every opportunity to take responsibility for the fruit of their own foolish, selfish nature, and repent, humbling themselves before our Creator. I will even go so far to say the wicked are also those who have spent the better part of their lives mad, blaming GOD for the hand they were dealt in life. They never came to the point of figuring out why bad things happen to good people. Number one, define good. "There is none good, no, not one, for all have been born into sin." Number two, GOD didn't make you that way. You made you the way you are if you haven't been born again. Satan held out the bait, and you swallowed the lie hook, line, and sinker. And then you blame GOD. Stupid is as stupid does.
I feel sorry for all the people who claim to be atheists or agnostics. And I don't mean that in a condescending way. I really feel sorry for them. It might be why much of my own prayer time is spent asking the Lord to intervene in their lives. No one on this web site mind you, but people who live or have lived in my community, or loved ones. GOD does not want to judge you according to your own unrepentant heart. HE desires to judge you by your acceptance of HIS only begotten Son in your place. Jesus has already paid the price for your sins if you will only give HIM the opportunity to show you HIS love by humbling yourself before HIM and asking for forgiveness with a sincere heart. Otherwise, you will go to hell, and you won't like it; not because of the many things you did wrong, but because of the One Thing you refused to do right...believe in Jesus and live from that point on accordingly.
As for my own struggle I'll either finally get it and set my priorities accordingly, or go down a road I don't have to because I couldn't get the Lord to change HIS mind. One time the Lord said to me, "You say you can't, and I say you can. Who is right?" Who indeed. |
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| To: MSB who wrote (37) | 2/21/2012 2:36:23 AM | | From: MSB | | | | THE RIGHT THING TO DO
(Part 1)
Even on the last day I worked I couldn't get out on time. It seemed like every Friday was like that. Having to only work a half shift on that day, there always seemed to be more that needed to be done, and chances are, I'd be the one to do it anyway. I was finally able to leave and haven't looked back. Oh, I still go in. It is after all the closest convenience store to my home. But letting it all go was much easier than I had anticipated. I still don't miss it almost two and a half months later.
"But what now Lord?"
I had purposefully let it be known, well in advance, my last day would be one day before the work week ended. I hated working Saturdays, not only because it was usually busy, but also because it really drained me physically and emotionally. It was often times difficult to get up to go to church the next morning. So that first Saturday morning, the first morning I knew I didn't have to work there any more, I woke up with the sure Word of the Lord in my heart. I spent my usual amount of time in prayer and then proceeded to spend some time reading my Bible. Every time I do the same thing. "HOLY SPIRIT, please reveal to me what YOU want me to read today." I heard the words, "James chapter one," come to mind.
"Let patience have her perfect work...."
In mid November I knew the deadline was fast approaching to decide how many cheese cakes to buy for those who sell bundled firewood, and how many oranges to buy to give away with the Christmas letter. But I also knew I was going to be unemployed by the time they arrived and I was able to distribute them. I so love giving especially at Christmas time. I spent a lot of time praying about it. I didn't want to foolishly make the investment and count on GOD to bring the money into my life without first having the assurance of HIS approval. I knew I had heard HIM say that HE would make a way before I ever placed the order. The total bill was about $350.
I left my job in the middle of a pay period and had money in my pocket, knowing I would be receiving at least two more checks. I no longer had the responsibility of making sure the mortgage was paid thanks to my wife. After her mother passed away and the last of all the bills had been paid, she was left with around eleven thousand dollars. She sent about five grand to her sister, and banked the rest. She said she wanted to give me $5000 of it, and I told her it was her money. I could think of a lot of things she should do with it which would benefit her, but she insisted on giving it to me. Finally I said, "Then pay off the mortgage," a little over four thousand. And that is what she did.
I spoke to my pastor prior to SJ taking care of the rest of the house about what she had told me she wanted to do. He said, "Well, you could always buy a newer truck." I said, "No. If the Lord wanted me to have a newer truck, I believe HE would bring one into my life." One time a customer at the store told me my truck was an "eye sore." If you ever saw it, you would probably agree. I told my pastor that I had been living the last seven years of my life believing GOD for everything I had or was able to give, and I wasn't going to stop doing it now.
By the time I received my last check, my heart sank. I had expected a much larger paycheck than I had received. I left my job stilling have twelve days of unused vacation. The employee hand book says, "any employee leaving in good standing will be paid for any unused vacation time." I thought my manager had told me I would be receiving the pay, but I didn't get it. Later, I prayed about the situation and the Lord said, "You will get what you deserve." So I'm thinking, "I didn't deserve the vacation pay even after I went out of my way to give them plenty of time to find a replacement?" You will get what you deserve.
The week I gave my notice, the store supervisor came for a visit on the day I happened to be working. I have always thought well of her, but during the period when the old store was torn down and the new one opened, I had found myself at odds with her several times to the point of doing everything I could to stay away from her. For some reason, she didn't take kindly to being told to "shut-up" after she interrupted me when I was talking. During this particular visit, she was constantly correcting me in front of customers, and I have a bad habit of giving as good as I get, often times pushing the envelope. Before she left, I asked her to watch my drawer so I could take a break. She seemed irritated that I would ask, but allowed me to go outside for a few minutes. When I came back, she had dropped much of the money I had in the drawer to make change with into the safe on a day which was known for being busy. She also didn't fail to mention that I knew better, which was true. When there was no one in the store, I would purposefully leave her presence just to get away from her. Before she finally left, she asked what was wrong. I told her, "Nothing," which wasn't true. I was so glad when she left.
I had wanted to clear the air with my supervisor after I had left, but wasn't quite sure how to do so because, as I said, I really did think well of her. And she was a believer, and I didn't want there to be any hard feelings between us. I also was unhappy that I hadn't received the vacation pay I believed I was entitled to. So I prayed about it, and eventually sent her a copy of the last Christmas letter, writing a personal note to her in the remaining blank space.
A few days later, about a month after I had received the bill for the cheesecakes, I thought I should probably send a payment to the company. By this time, I was down to $110. I was about to take fifty dollars and send it, when I felt the Spirit of the Lord say, "Wait." The next day after praying, I felt the Lord impress upon me to sow the fifty dollars. During the Saturday night Evening Sacrifice (prayer) at the church, I put the money in the plate even though no offering is taken on that day. After giving the money, the Lord said, "Name the seed." And I said, "Financial relief."
About a week later, she called me at home to let me know I would get the vacation pay. She told me it was because of a scheduling situation. After I hung up the phone, the Spirit of GOD came upon me. Overwhelmed with emotion, I began speaking in tongues and dropped to the floor. And I heard the Lord say, "I said I would take care of you." On December twenty third, I went to the bank and learned there was an additional eight hundred dollars in my account paid by my former employer. PRAISE THE LORD!! I paid off the bills for the cheesecakes, oranges, and everything else I was responsible for including tithes and offerings. I was left with about two hundred dollars. |
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| To: MSB who wrote (38) | 2/22/2012 1:32:06 AM | | From: MSB | | | | THE RIGHT THING TO DO
(Part 2)
I've been working steadily for the last twenty one years, having only ten days in a row of continuous time off in any given year. I told one of my former co-workers if ever there was a time to be unemployed it had to be this winter. It has been unusually warm this winter which has allowed me to get much of the outside work around our home done, not to mention plenty of time to cut, split, and stack firewood. But with all the time I had on my hands in the month of December, I was always thinking about what was to come. I still had bills to pay, not to mention personal commitments for which I alone was responsible. Even when I would pray before eating, I would hear the words, "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of you."
About a week or so after I had left my job, and before I ever knew I would be receiving the money for the unused vacation, I was leaving church and walking toward my car to go home. Mike, his wife, and her daughter had been coming to the church on a regular basis for about a month. I had met Mike initially at the store where I worked as a customer. He would leave his car running when he would pump gas because he frequently had problems getting his car to start after turning off the ignition. Almost to my own vehicle, I couldn't help but notice Mike was having trouble starting his vehicle. And I stopped in the middle of the parking lot hoping the motor would turn over. Another GOD opportunity; "Please Lord, ask someone else."
Mike got his car started, but I waved him over before he drove away. "Is it the battery or the starter," I said after he had rolled down his window. He said it was the starter. I said, "Find out what it costs to repair it, and I'll take care of it." Have you ever noticed the times you seem drawn to somebody who needs help and find it strange no one else seems to notice? I don't think it is a coincidence. As it so happened Mike was going to be speaking that night at the Sunday night service, although; I didn't know that at the time. He originally grew up in a place called Miracle Valley, AZ. And had had some kind of connection with a well known evangelist by the name of A. A. Allen. WOW! Did he have a testimony.
On Sunday evening, just before Mike was going to get up and give his testimony, I asked to speak. I told the congregation I would have preferred Mike not be present before I spoke because I didn't want to embarrass him should I say something which might do so. And this is what I said:
"Today before going home, I learned that Mike needs a new starter for his car. I'm pretty sure, if he had the money to take care of the problem, he would have done so by now. When it comes to giving, I prefer to do so anonymously. I have found by my own experience when someone does something for me, and I know who it was, I have a tendency to feel indebted toward the person. I told Mike to find out how much it would cost to have it repaired, and I would take care of it. I'm asking those of you who are present to help with the expense so Mike will know it is the church which helped him get the car fixed."
After the following Wednesday night service, Mike told me he had collected a certain amount of money. He also said he had called around, and the cheapest estimate he had been quoted was close to two hundred dollars. And I thought, "FOR A STARTER?! Lord, what did I get myself into?!" I said, "Let me call the guy who works on my truck and see what he will do the work for." I also asked him for a number where I could reach him.
The next day I called a couple of places, and the cheapest quote was indeed two hundred dollars. Then I called my friend who works on my truck. He said he would get back to me. When he called me back, he said parts and labor would be around $130. We took Mike's car up to my friend on Friday morning and would pick it up the next day. Mike said he had an appointment to take his wife to the free clinic on Friday evening, so I handed him the keys to my car and said, "I'll see you tomorrow." Before I got out, I handed him five dollars for gas. He said, "You don't have to do that." I replied, "I should have bought the gas before we dropped off your car."
"Remember your vow."
I had the rest of the day to play outside after Mike had dropped me off near my home. Out of the blue, with nothing particular on my mind, I heard the Lord say to me, "Remember your vow." Uh-oh, what did I do now? I had no idea what GOD was referring to just like the time when HE said, in an intensive kind of way, "I've given you a gift." I am very aware of the admonition of the Word of GOD regarding a vow. And I make it a point not to do so because it is a really big deal to GOD. So I could not for the life of me figure out what it was the Lord was talking about, but HE definitely made sure I wouldn't forget it.
It wasn't until this very day that I figured out what GOD was referring to. I could only think of one vow I had ever made and that was to my wife during our marriage. But I learned via Mr. Bowers, speaking on Daystar today, that a vow is also anything one promises or commits to through their word. I realized I had told Mike I would take care of the repairs on his car. I owe Mike the money he was given by others to help fix his car. As it so happened, not only did my friend fix the starter, but he also fixed one of the car doors so it would open and close, and raised a window to the closed position which they could not close during the colder days of this winter. My friend is as honest as the day is long, and I'm blessed to have him as my mechanic. I always give him more than he charges because he always does more than I ask but bills me as if he didn't.
I want my heart to be right with GOD. I guess I know where a portion of my tax refund is going. At least that will be one thing I can do anonymously. |
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| To: MSB who wrote (39) | 2/23/2012 5:11:31 AM | | From: MSB | | | | THE RIGHT THING TO DO
(Part 3)
For the entire month of December I got the vacation I was hoping for but never got after the old store was torn down. I was hoping they would give us all a nice healthy vacation, and then bring us back in a couple of days before opening the new store. Instead, they found ways for us to work, either in other locations, or cleaning the new building even though the work had not been completed.
Before giving my notice, I prayed about it for quite some time. I didn't want to do something stupid just because I was perpetually unhappy with the way things were playing out once the new store had been opened. But I also knew for a long time that I was dying spiritually. My level of faith was much less than after being born again and having the fire of the HOLY SPIRIT operating in my life. I always prayed before going to work and then again in front of the door before walking into the building to begin my shift. But my prayers were becoming ever more desperate as my time with the company continued. I would pray for honest customers, to be aware and alert to all that went on around me, to be sensitive to the HOLY SPIRIT, to see through the eyes of the Lord, and to not let my heart be hardened towards those who had a genuine need. I would also pray the Lord let me know if the need was for real, or just someone trying to play me to get something for nothing. It was during the last months I worked that I began to hear the words come to mind, "Do you mean it?", which was the title of my last Christmas letter.
Prayer is the cornerstone to my own faith walk. The Bible says in Isaiah that one of the names the Lord shall be known as is Counselor. I wondered today what it would be like to visit a counselor who never said a word every time one would have a session with them. I've also known for sometime that there are many people who do not believe the Lord speaks to me. But I decided a long time ago I'd rather have a relationship with GOD the way HE has intended it for me regardless of what other people think. Ninety eight percent of the time the Lord speaks to me as it pertains to my own life, and the other two percent is about someone the Lord brings to mind during prayer, or something I should say to those with whom I go to church. About two years ago the Lord told me nothing was going to change in our own congregation until we all got hungry for HIM.
I didn't go into this without having some idea of what to expect. Any time a person has doubt, satan is going to take full advantage of it by trying to get a person to needlessly worry about what "might" happen. Worry is the first step towards defeat. If I were to think as the "world" thinks, I would have kept my job, especially with a high unemployment rate and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. But the world is not my source; GOD is my source. HE will make a way where there seems no way.
Never-the-less, somewhere along the way, a spirit of fear began to take hold in me even before I left my last employer. It wasn't about what the future held for me with regard to having an income. It was about witnessing to those to whom I had opportunity to do so. It took me quite awhile to figure out what GOD was trying to get me to understand. HE prompted me to read John, chapters 13 through 16 several times, over many days, 2 Samuel, chapter 7, and some others which I don't recall right off hand. GOD was trying to get me to understand that when HE says HE is with you, HE means it. Wherever HE sent me, or whatever HE wanted me to do was not like, "You go do it, and come back when you're done." It is, "I AM going with you, too."
Near the end of December, SJ began to question me about what I was going to do. I said, "I don't know. But I believe GOD is going to bring work into my life." I know what an unbeliever would think about that. Even other believers have a hard time wrapping their mind around such a statement. A day or so after New Year's, I heard the Lord say the strangest thing to me. HE said, "Call in your seed." I had no idea what HE meant, but I literally said, after I heard the "word" come to me, "In the Name of Jesus, I call seed to come into my life." I also began to hear the Lord tell me to say, "I am rich and not poor." Several times over the next few days the Lord would say, "Say it." The next Wednesday, after hearing the word of the Lord, I asked my brothers and sister in Christ if they had ever heard the Lord say something to them like that because I had no idea what it meant. The woman who is the worship leader at the church said, "If you're a giver it means to call in your harvest."
On the second Sunday of January, I pulled the last of my money, four dollars, out of my wallet and put it in the offering plate. There was such a peace which filled me that I was almost giddy. After the service, I hung around to talk to a friend which I don't see often enough. I learned he was going to be moving the next day out of his parents home to take a job as a counselor at a Boys Ranch. I asked him if he needed help moving, and he told me to come on out to his house the next morning.
The next day, scraping together some change to buy gas to go to the house north of town, I left hoping I might earn a little money helping him move. I felt guilty hoping it would work out that way, but if it didn't, I wasn't going to be sorry because it might be the last opportunity I got to see him for awhile. I am so proud of him for allowing GOD to use him to minister to young men with troubled lives. Watching him pick items up and carry them to the U-haul made me feel so out of shape. I thought I was strong for my weight class, but he picked stuff up and carried it up two flights of stairs like it was no big deal. He had a lot of stuff, completely filling a large U-haul truck. His parents insisted on buying me lunch (I'm such a picky eater I prefer not eating with other people). Before I left, we all gathered around the kitchen and prayed for him. Before I could leave, his dad handed me an envelope and he said, "This is not for helping us today, we just want you to have it. When I got home, I opened the envelope and pulled out two fifty dollar bills. I love you, GOD.
One day while praying, I remember the Lord asking me how much money I needed. And I said, "Well, I need the money for my personal obligations to our home, money for Rafael (our sponsored child), my credit card payment, food including snacks, cigarettes (did I really say that?), and my tithe." GOD knows I smoke, and I'm not proud of it either. But to be honest, I've given up on quitting. I don't smoke around non-smokers, sit away from people in church because of the smell on my clothing, nor do I encourage others to do it or suggest it is okay. There is no point in lying to GOD about anything when HE already knows.
Several years ago, when I first sought the Lord after an accident, my guilt regarding my bad habit took me down the very road which brought me to the place of asking Jesus to save me. After I became born again and filled with the HOLY SPIRIT, my smoking would periodically come to mind during my prayer time. And the Lord told me not to worry about. Ever since then, I haven't. I'm not suggesting to anyone they should hold onto a bad habit, I'm simply telling you what the Lord said to me about my own addiction. HE didn't make me a smoker, and if I die because of it, it sure won't be HIS fault. HE told me a long time ago to be honest, and that is exactly what I strive to do every time the Lord gives me the opportunity to testify of the amazing things HE does and has done in my life.
The next day, after helping my friend move, I went north of town to get a carton. While I was there, I went into the bank where my wife set up and IRA for me over ten years ago. I received a letter in the mail from the bank before the IRA was set to rollover for the next eighteen month period. I also noticed they were only paying ONE HALF OF ONE PERCENT interest on the account! Apparently, they didn't need my money that bad. The next day, the bank called to tell me they hadn't given me all the papers to sign before I received the money. SJ heard the message on the answering machine. She wasn't real happy with me for doing it, and reminded me it was her money which started the account. It was started at $250 and never added to since. In ten years, it had only earned a fifth of the principle. I said, "Fine. Here is the money." She told me to "just keep it." The Lord had told me not to do it, but I didn't listen.
The next day, Wednesday, a week after the Lord told me to call in my seed, I called the bank and asked if they would fax the papers I needed to sign to the branch in my hometown. When I went into the bank to sign the papers, there was a man in the bank for whom I had cut some trees down in the past. Last year, while at the church praying alone one Wednesday afternoon, the Lord prompted me to give more than my usual offering. Before I had finished praying, I heard the words, "Expect good news." I used to give $20 dollars a paycheck to a food bank, and I would go buy the food after finishing at the church. On the day GOD told me to expect good news, I saw this same man at the store where I was going to shop for the food. He told me he had some work for me if I was interested, but was leaving to go to Texas for business and he would get in touch with me when he returned. He never did call me, but that was okay because I wouldn't have had time to do it anyway.
While at the bank, the man came up to me and asked how I was doing. I told him I no longer worked at the store. He said, "Well, I still need some work done at my home. Would you be interested?" I replied, "Would you like me to come out tomorrow?" He responded, "Just come out today, I'll be home after....". When I arrived at his home, he drove me around and showed me all the things he wanted trimmed or cut down. He said he had a thousand acres of land where he lived. Half of it was overgrown with spruce trees and several types of thorn shrubs including locust trees. I spent about three weeks cutting down trees, or crawling around a very large pasture clearing out all the stuff he wanted removed. I earned $900 by the time it was finally completed.
After it was all done, I managed to twist my knee somehow. It was quite painful for awhile, but I just kept on believing for the Lord to heal me. Never went to a doctor; just took Advil when I couldn't stand the pain. It is getting better by the day. The other day, the Lord asked me what I wanted to do. I told HIM I want to help people, but I can't figure out how to do it and still make money. HE reminded me recently not to forget what I said. I sure hope it doesn't involve dealing with the public wherever HE directs me. I've had enough of that for the rest of my life! It is so vexing to one's soul given the level of rudeness in our society, and I don't even live in a big city.
Back to waiting on the Lord because GOD is my source. And HE is still telling me, "Don't worry about it, I'll take care of you." |
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| To: MSB who wrote (40) | 4/25/2012 3:10:07 AM | | From: MSB | | | | DO ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM WHO LOVE ME?
I just couldn't believe the news. Surely, someone had heard it, but they passed it along wrong. I heard it when I went to a church member to be paid for work I had finished on the previous Saturday. I called around to other members to make sure it was in fact true. Our beloved Pastor and friend went home to be with the Lord on April fifteen, two thousand twelve.
Three weeks prior to Gene's passing, I heard the HOLY SPIRIT say, "Retirement," as the only three who showed up that night for the Saturday night evening sacrifice (prayer meeting) laid hands on Gene and prayed for his health. He had been feeling tired and was retaining water. Some weeks prior, he had some type of eye surgery to help him see better, but it wasn't healing like it should. It was congestive heart failure which took him out.
So I knew Gene would be leaving, but I did not in my wildest imagination think "heaven". For whatever reason, I remember the HOLY SPIRIT telling me not to tell anyone. I'm still puzzled as to why. Gene was sixty-six years young when he left to go home. His wife, went home about thirteen months ahead of him at the age of sixty-two. She had cancer and passed three days after learning the news.
On Tuesday morning, two days after Gene left, I bowed my head and began to pray, wondering about the "word" I had heard in the previous weeks and what the church was going to do now. And that is when the Lord asked me the question, "Do all things work together for good to them who love me?" And I responded, "Yes, Lord." As I continued to pray, I heard the Lord say, "He is happy, it was his time." But it wasn't until I heard the words, "I have received him," that I knew it was the HOLY SPIRIT and the tears began to fall.
Our congregation is not big by any stretch of the imagination - fifty to sixty people on most Sundays. But Gene was so loved by everyone in our "family". So loved in fact, perhaps selfishly, that after his wife passed away, no one in the congregation wanted him to leave even though he would periodically hint at the desire to do so. But Gene was called by GOD to be a Pastor, even in the times of desperation in his own life. Gene was committed til the very end. Interestingly, just a few days before we prayed for Gene's health, he had asked the congregation a question, "Which is better, to start well or finish well?"
The reason so many people loved Gene was because he was a "giver". He would open his checkbook or wallet almost every time someone would come to him with a need, or any time there was a visiting missionary, music group, or evangelist. I'll bet he had little money to his name when he passed away. His ability to preach or teach wasn't that great, but nobody cared because we all loved him so much. Gene was a "giver" because he was also a "people" person. He genuinely cared about not only the people whom the Lord gave him the responsibility to watch over, but also the people in the community at large. He was known for asking people if there was anything he could do for them.
I wouldn't dare suggest Gene's passing affected me more than those of his own blood relatives, but I couldn't hardly concentrate on anything for very long without thinking about Gene. Shortly, after I left the Adventist church and began attending a pentecostal church, I mentioned to Gene one Sunday as I was about to exit that if he ever left the church, I was going to stop going. He quickly made it clear he wasn't the most important part of the church.
I've been attending for almost seven years. For the first couple of years, Gene was the greatest example of a follower of Christ which I had ever met except for an Adventist friend who passed away several years ago. But around 2007, I began to be one of Gene's greatest critics. It occurred to me, Gene was not a "faith" person; he was a "hope" person. I got the impression he would often do things which leaned more to pleasing the people which he pastored than seeking the Lord's Will and doing accordingly. There were two or three occasions when I stopped attending for a period of time because I was unhappy with something Gene did, or I felt the Lord was moving me in a different direction.
Before returning the last time, the Lord began to impress upon me to read Romans chapter thirteen. It took me awhile to get it. But the Lord finally got it through my thick skull when HE said, "Gene is there because I want him there. And you're going to go back, or you will go no further with me." OUCH! The day I returned, I heard the Lord say, "This is your family." My jaw just about hit the floor when Gene said about two weeks after that our congregation was a family.
Shortly after Gene's wife passed away, I asked Gene to forgive me for the way I had acted towards him on occasion, and for speaking out during his preaching. The Lord had finally showed me I wasn't the great Christian I thought I was, and the critical nature I had displayed toward Gene did not have the Lord's approval. Even though Gene wasn't everything I thought an on fire servant of the Lord should be and was right to think accordingly, the Lord made it clear to me I was judging Gene unrighteously. It was not easy to ask Gene for his forgiveness and tell him I was sorry for all the grief I had caused him. But through all of it, Gene just continued to show me the love of GOD, even availing himself to me when I had something on my mind I wanted to share, or making the church available to me by giving me a key when I wanted to go to the sanctuary to be alone with the Lord. For whatever reason, I make it hard for people to befriend me. It is probably why I also feel a great loss when they are no longer here.
I miss Gene because of a "word" the Lord spoke to me last year. HE told me the church was going to grow. We were just beginning to see the Lord's Word come to pass when the Lord allowed Gene to go home. Gene had felt a personal burden for the church, pastoring an aging congregation and seeing the number of people dwindling year after year. I know he felt somehow responsible even though he worked so hard to try to encourage people to stay who were in that place of wanting something from GOD instead of wanting to give something to GOD; their life. And he so wanted people to know GOD, HIS true love for them, and the power of HIS SPIRIT through faith in Christ Jesus to truly change their lives. But he finally wore out.
The last sermon Gene preached was Resurrection Sunday. When he gave the invitation for people to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour, three people came forward. At the dinner afterwards, I caught Gene alone for a moment and put my arm around him. I leaned toward his ear and said, "Well, you got what you wanted." And he just shook his head slightly and said, "Yeah." Lawrence Gene Gilmore went home to be with the Lord that night at eight p.m., and he ain't look'in back. "In the presence of the Lord is the fullness of joy."
Thank you Holy Father, in the Name of Jesus, for knowing YOUR love toward me through Gene. Oh GOD, that I could be half the person he was. Forgive me Lord, by the blood of YOUR love sacrifice on my behalf, and deliver me from critical and condemning spirits. I pray thee, Lord, for a true love in my heart for others, and hope they would see YOU and not me. In YOUR Name Jesus. |
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| To: MSB who wrote (41) | 12/11/2012 3:13:46 PM | | From: MSB | | | | LETTER TO RAFAEL (very long)
The following letter, is a letter I was supposed to write and send you shortly after receiving your reply in May or June of 2011. I didn't because I failed to set aside the time to do so even though the HOLY SPIRIT had been prompting me to write. I believe GOD, (the Father, Jesus, and HOLY SPIRIT) wants me to tell you some things HE has taught me since asking Jesus to save me. I do not know whether you will accept right away what I feel I'm supposed to tell you, but I do know the choice truly is your choice to make. No one but you can make it. I also know, by experience, the choices we do make in our lives will not always produce the results we expect.
You've come to an age where you should have a general understanding of what good and bad are as it applies to yourself and those with whom you associate, either by chance or on a long term basis. In the eyes of GOD, you're not responsible for what someone does to you; however, you are responsible for how you react to what has been done to you by another, or for what you've done to another whether it be good or bad.
The Bible is a book about GOD who created all things seen and unseen. The Bible is divided into two parts, the Old Testament and the New Testament. The Old Testament includes a basic history of the people GOD chose to interact with during the time the history was written down, commandments which GOD gave those people as an outline by which to live their lives, and laws which GOD created to help people to understand how to live on earth as well as deal with one another. One of the things GOD tells us in the Bible is that HE knows the end from the beginning of all things. In other words, GOD knows what the outcome will be from any word spoken or any action taken by us towards other people, or to ourselves. This is why it is very important to read the Bible so a person will know what to expect in life regardless of how they choose to live the life they have been given by GOD. Do you want to live a happy, successful life? The Bible tells us how to do it. If you decide you don't want to live your life the way GOD desires us to live it, the Bible also tells us what to expect. It has and will work just that way every single time no matter who the person is.
Here is the problem. You probably said you want to live your life happy and successful, but you won't be able to do it all the time because there will always be an opportunity waiting for you to mess up what GOD has purposed for you to live. No matter how much you try, eventually you'll mess up somewhere. And once that happens, then you have to have the forgiveness of GOD to put you back on the road to living happy and successful. In my country, depending on the severity of the mess up, a person will be unhappy at the bottom end of the scale, or in prison depending on what the offence is. The Old Testament (filled with history, commandments, and laws) is also filled with prophecy: telling us what is to come before it happens. The Old Testament tells us throughout that GOD is going to send, of HIMSELF, ONE who will bring all people into agreement with HIS ultimate desire which is to allow people to live with HIM forever without ever having to worry about messing up.
The New Testament is the fulfilling of the prophecy of the ONE which GOD has sent to "redeem" all people back to HIM. That "ONE" is Jesus. Jesus is GOD. Jesus came to earth for one reason, to redeem all the "mess ups" of people back to GOD the Father. If you're having a hard time understanding how GOD can be on earth and in heaven at the same time, don't worry about it. It is hard for everyone to understand. But even if a person doesn't understand something, it doesn't mean it isn't true. What it does mean is a person doesn't have the mental ability to understand it. Rafael, I have a hard time understanding how GOD can be in two places at the same time. However, I also try to remember, I'm not the ONE who made me; I'm the one who was made. I also know it is true because of how Jesus revealed the love of GOD the Father to me through HIM (Jesus).
I don't want to spend a lot of time on what I'm about to tell you because it is hard to understand how it can be true, but please believe me when I tell you it is. There is a world within the world which we cannot see. And it is filled with what are known as "spirits". Spirits are beings without bodies. Chances are you'll never see one in your life, because most people don't. But we do have the ability to feel their presence. There are two types of spirits. There are evil spirits (demons), and heavenly spirits (angels). The heavenly spirits are those which are commanded by GOD, and evil spirits are those commanded by satan. Satan was once with GOD, but was thrown out of heaven when he tried to exalt himself above GOD. There are far more angels than there are demons. Demons are all the fallen angels which were thrown out of heaven along with satan the devil. Demons are those spirits which influence people to sin, or disobey the commandments of GOD.
Any time you're tempted or a thought comes to you to do something which GOD would not approve of, it is probably the influence of a demon. Satan and those under his control (demons) hate everything GOD is. Satan only cares about one thing, separating you from GOD for eternity. Any time you follow through with an action or a word which GOD does not approve of is sin and honors satan. Any time you choose to do what GOD wants you to do based on love (treating or honoring others greater than yourself) honors GOD. Any time you spend thinking about something at length which does not honor GOD is sin. Like being mad at someone. Even if you don't do something which hurts them the way you were hurt by them, but think at length about wanting to see hurt come to them honors satan, and is a sin against GOD.
A person cannot truly appreciate what Jesus has done for them until they have so messed up their own life by the choices they have made which got them in the place they are. At some point, Rafael, you'll have the opportunity to accept Jesus into your life. And before doing so, you will also know why you want to. I have tried to spend the time writing to you to tell you why I hope you will. But as I told you before, only you, and you alone can make that choice. The Lord very specifically told me to tell you that when you decide to make the choice to ask Jesus into your life and your heart HE will be there when you do. It is also why I've tried to encourage you to read the Bible. You may not understand what you're reading, but the more you do read it, the more you will eventually understand, and hopefully you'll remember it.
At some point in your life, you will have to come to the realization that everyone is basically alike, and likewise, GOD created everyone. Therefore, a person's skin color, language, and gender were determined by GOD before a person was ever born. Not one of those three things should be considered when considering another person's worth or worthiness. Since GOD loves all the people HE created, then it is not what a person looks like, or how they speak, or even whether they are a boy or girl that matters to GOD. What GOD cares, or judges a person by is how they have treated others in spite of the differences. Knowing this does not mean it will always be easy to live by example. As a matter of fact, ALL PEOPLE have failed, either frequently or periodically, to live their entire life without saying or doing something to another person which caused ill will or physical consequences. And that is sin. Any time a person does something which is not for the good of another, he or she has sinned both against the person to whom it was done and GOD who created the person to whom wrong was done. That is why it is said, an unrighteous act or word done to another is also done to GOD.
I'm sure you haven't always done the right thing, either because you knew better, or because you didn't know. And you probably felt something inside yourself before or after you did it. It was like a little voice saying don't do that, or you just had a sense which you couldn't explain regarding something you've done or were planning on doing. It is most commonly known as having a guilty conscience, the feeling of being wrong or ashamed depending upon the severity of the action or word. A person's conscience is, in my opinion, the first proof of GOD. You'll never see an animal display any kind of remorse towards another animal. This also tells us that human beings are totally different from the animal kingdom. All those sins will keep you from being with GOD for eternity if you do not come to the point in your life of recognizing them for the wrong they are or were, and asking Jesus, the only begotten Son of GOD, to save you from the wrath of GOD which comes upon all people who do not come to the point in their life of realizing just how wrong their sins are to GOD. However, it is unlikely you will be able to truly understand how much our sins will separate us from GOD until the HOLY SPIRIT draws you to a place of "repentance" by causing you to understand you need to ask GOD for forgiveness of your sins. Rafael, please understand, I'm not trying to scare you into doing something you don't understand. I'm telling you what is going to happen at some point in your future and why it will happen when the HOLY SPIRIT of GOD invites you to accept Jesus into your life and be forgiven for every bad thing you've ever done in your life. At some point, and I don't know when because GOD picks the time, it will happen.
GOD knew, before you were born, that if you ever reached the age of being able to discern between right and wrong, you would sin. But GOD also made a way before you were born to forgive you of all your sins. In other words, by asking and excepting Jesus into your life, all your sins are forgiven because Jesus took all your sins, and mine, to the cross, paying the price for eternity for ALL of them (those you've already done, and those you may do in the future). Jesus is GOD. Jesus is GOD come down from heaven to teach all men and women, boys and girls, how to treat one another, AND to pay the price for them to come to heaven to live with HIM when they die knowing that no one would ever be able to live out their entire lives the way GOD wants us to live on earth. But a person has to "ask" Jesus to come into their life and "save" them. A person does not get this gift from GOD simply because they are living. Once a person asks Jesus to come into their life, they have made the "choice" to give their life to the Lord. At that point, GOD the Father gives the person the life of Jesus who died carrying all the sins of all people upon HIMSELF.
I don't expect you to understand everything I'm telling you, Rafael. But I do believe GOD wants you to have the opportunity to know these things so when the time comes that you realize you need supernatural help to live out the life GOD intended for you to live, hopefully you will remember some of the things I have told you about GOD, and you will call upon Jesus.
There is a big difference between knowing about Jesus, and knowing Jesus personally. You have to know Jesus personally. Here is an example: think about someone you've heard about, maybe a leader of your country. You may know their name, where they live, even some of the details of their life, but if you happen to see them and greet them, would they know you? Here is what I'm trying to get you to understand, Jesus knows everything about you including everything you've ever said or thought about. But what if Jesus walked up to you and greeted you. Would you know HIM? You probably wouldn't know HIM.
When you come to that place in your life when you do want to know Jesus, you'll have to tell HIM you want to know HIM. And once you ask, HE will establish a relationship with you. Once the relationship is established, then you will want to talk to HIM, listen to HIM, and live for and with HIM forever. The way you talk to Jesus is through prayer. When you talk to Jesus, you have to be honest and sincere sharing what is on your heart. You tell Jesus all the things you would tell your best friend. And Jesus will take care of you if you listen and do what HE tells you to do. Jesus talks to us by the HOLY SPIRIT. What the HOLY SPIRIT tells us is what Jesus would say to us. And you will "hear" HIM speak to you when you come to the place in your life when you sincerely desire to live out your life the way GOD wants you to live. For me, it came when I was in the fourth decade of life. It took me that long to realize I couldn't do on my own what GOD had planned for my life even before I was born. I sincerely hope it doesn't take you that long to come to the place in your life where you know you need GOD to live a successful life.
It was the HOLY SPIRIT which told me to send you the gift you received in May of 2011. But I still had the choice of whether to obey GOD and send it, or disobey GOD and keep it. GOD will deal with EVERY aspect of your life which is why I hope you'll establish a relationship with HIM through Jesus early in your life. There aren't many things in my own life that I don't talk to GOD about, especially money. Let me be clear, GOD does NOT need your money; GOD wants you to trust HIM with every aspect of your life and that includes money.
After I had been "born again"(John chapter 3), the Lord Jesus began to teach me about money. One of the first things I had to do was learn to trust HIM with a tithe even though I didn't have a lot of money. A tithe is a tenth, and it is given to any work which glorifies GOD, usually a church which preaches the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The tenth for the tithe comes from any and all money you've earned by working for it, or been given as a gift from another person. Now let me be clear: GOD loves you whether you do or don't give a portion of what you earn to help others in the Name of Jesus, or to the church you attend. But the "blessing" of GOD will not come upon you until you learn to trust GOD with everything in your life including your money. And you have to do it consistently regardless of your own expected needs. The "blessing" is an increase of whatever you're willing to trust GOD with. The only gift GOD will ever honor is one which is given out of obedience regardless of whether or not one receives anything back. Any tithe, or offering, must be given because a person truly loves GOD and desires to trust HIM to use what is given for the greater good of others.
There are a couple of factors which must be understood when it comes to "giving". GOD knows the intent of a person's heart any time anything is given, be it time, money, food, etc. And GOD judges the gift accordingly. Giving to GOD is not like putting a coin in a machine and getting more back than you put in simply for the sake of having more to spend on yourself. Giving something to GOD because you already have a lot of it does not impress GOD. But trusting GOD to increase what you have in your future by giving HIM out of the little you have does impress HIM and HE will eventually bless you. Now it may come back to you quickly, but more often than not, it will come back to you after months or years. Nor does GOD judge the amount of the gift. What HE does judge is the amount of sacrifice one makes to be obediant to what GOD has spoken to a person to give. It is kind of like GOD is challenging us to trust HIM. I can honestly tell you, Rafael, if you'll be obediant and trust the Lord with whatever HE tells you to give, GOD will bless you. I remember one year after giving the Lord what HE told me to give, I never got sick when other people did. Had I not done so, it probably would have cost me more than what I gave to pay the doctor for medicine. GOD really blessed me in 2011. Our home was completely paid off six months after I sent the sum of money to you and your family in April. It cost several times more than what I sent you.
There is also another aspect of the blessing of GOD which many people do not understand. GOD will bring increase into a person's life not only because they love HIM, but also to have more to give to help other people as well. A sharing and caring heart is more important to GOD than what one looks like or how much they do or don't possess. Become a person who loves to give, and you'll never have need or want in your life; GOD will take care of you. I believe this is also what Jesus wants me to tell you. If you use all the money I send you for yourself, eventually it will stop coming to you, AND you will lose what you have used the money for. In the remainder of this letter, I'm going to share with you how GOD taught me through HIS Word, (the Bible) and prayer (the voice of the HOLY SPIRIT) to trust HIM with my money and the blessing I've received from GOD.
Jesus said, "Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you will feed him for a lifetime." Giving is very important to GOD. We see this in John 3:16 which says, "For GOD so loved the world that HE "GAVE" HIS only begotton Son, etc." Now look at the third chapter of the book of Proverbs and read verses nine and ten. "Honor the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine." Also in Proverbs, chapter eleven and verses twenty-four through twenty-eight. The book of Proverbs is the book of wisdom. Everything in the book of Proverbs is true and is a kind of blue print for living a life pleasing to GOD.
Before I explain how I came to know what I believe I'm supposed to tell you, I want to tell you a story. Many years ago, when I was a few years younger than you are now, my parents, grandparents, and sometimes my aunts and uncles would give the children in my family gifts on our birthdays or Christmas. Most of the time we would get toys, or games, or candy, but sometimes we receieved money. Guess which two days of the year I would look forward to most? My birthday and Christmas day. It was a tradition which was taught to me by family, but receiving the gifts did not make me love the people who gave them to me. What it did do though, was make me look forward to seeing the people only because of the gifts.
I had to think and pray for sometime before I decided to start sending you most of what I would receive on my birthday for your Christmas. You see, I knew what might happen from doing so. I do not send you a special gift each year because I want you to think well of me. I send the money because I want you and your family to share in the blessing GOD has blessed me with. But that is not going to continue forever which is why I want you to get a hold of the principles which the Word of GOD teaches concerning "giving" and "money".
GOD created a law which has many applications. It is called the Law of Seed, Time, and Harvest. Now the "Seed" can be anything you plant. If you plant corn, eventually you'll harvest corn. You plant one seed and get a greater number in the harvest. But you can't plant the seed one day, and go out the next day and get a harvest of more than you planted. Also, you can't plant one kind of seed, and expect another kind of fruit or vegetable than what you planted.
Now apply the principle to money. You plant "the money seed" by giving, then wait patiently which is the "time", and eventually it will produce after it's kind which will bring the harvest. But there is another aspect which must be considered. The "ground" where the seed is planted must be good soil, or the seed won't come up, or come up and die before it produces more for a harvest. So how are you going to know where to plant the seed? GOD will tell you when you pray or lead you to know when you read your Bible. But the seed will still not produce unless you have "faith"(believing GOD will deliver the harvest when HE knows it is time to reap it.) Now remember what I told you before? NEVER GIVE JUST TO GET. Giving for the sake of getting is something an unrighteous person will do. A righteous person will give because he or she desires to bless GOD which made it possible for the person to have something to give in the first place. If your desire is to bless GOD, eventually your standard of living will increase, and you will have more to give to those whom GOD desires you to give to. Rafael, everything I'm telling you, I know by experience. I've been doing this ever since the day GOD revealed HIS love toward me and for me. Once the Lord did so, it completely changed my life. But it also took time. You have to start where you are and with what you've got. If you eat your seed, you'll have nothing to plant.
Before I became your sponsor, I didn't have much money. But it was the HOLY SPIRIT of GOD which convinced me to trust HIM with what I did have, and GOD proved to me HE could make what was left last longer. But I had to trust GOD no matter what might come which I couldn't know was coming, or trust HIM with the money even when I thought I needed it more. It was GOD which brought increase into my life as I diligently trusted GOD with what HE made it possible for me to have in the first place. I have NEVER, to this day, withheld a tithe to the Lord on anything HE has given me. And GOD has always provided for me and my wife.
Once GOD began to bring increase into my life, not only did I have more to tithe, but I also began applying the Law of Firstfruits to my giving. Lets say I give you a certain amount of money. To tithe, you will give a tenth of the money back to GOD. Now when GOD sees your continually faithful to give HIM a tenth, HE will at some point give you more. So now lets pretend GOD one day gives you twice as much as you were receiving. To apply the law of firstfruits, you will tithe on the first half of the money, and give the Lord ALL of the other half of the remaining money. Then the next time you receive the double, you will just tithe on it.
GOD proved this LAW to me when I started a yard care service. In my country, many people have grass in front of their homes which needs to be cut periodically so it will look nice. Every time I would cut the grass at a different house, I would give the entire amount to GOD the first time I did the work, and then I would tithe on the money I receieved thereafter when I did the work again. The first year I had the business, I cut the grass for three people. The second year I cut grass for five people. After five years, I was cutting the grass for as many as eleven people in one year as well as having a full time job. I was busy all the time. GOD finally told me to give up the business because I had no time for GOD, and I did what HE told me to do. Even after giving up the business, GOD still met my every need and allowed me to continue to cut and sell firewood which I give to the Lord. GOD has blessed me Rafael, and HE will bless you also if you practice what I have told you and trust GOD to take care of you.
I've been giving you "fish" for a few years now, but at some point that will stop once you become responsible for taking care of yourself. And I've done what the Lord has impressed upon me to tell you so you can start learning to fish. But the choice to do it is still your choice to make.
I love you, Rafael, but GOD loves you more than I or anyone else ever will because HIS love is perfect. Once Jesus invites you to accept HIM into your life, and you say, "Yes," you will never be cast away from HIM. Then, as you live for Jesus because you will know HIS love for you, HE will also give you the ability to love HIM and establish a relationship with HIM. After that, you will KNOW Jesus, not just know about HIM. And Jesus will take care of you as you learn to submit yourself to HIS leading, and teach you how to live your life for HIM.
Before I end this letter, I believe I need to tell you that having an ever increasing relationship with GOD through Jesus will not exempt you from difficult times in your own life. Living for the Lord because you know and love HIM will not be any easier than living without HIM. It will, however, be far more rewarding. Having a relationship with Jesus isn't just a ticket to heaven. It is a journey, often times unpleasant, which will constantly challenge you to trust GOD no matter what comes your way. But GOD is faithful to HIS Word. And the Lord will continually confirm this to you as you learn to seek the Lord with all your heart. Not only will GOD bless you with what you do understand, HE will also bless you in ways you cannot possibly know are ahead of you, and bless you with the ability to love others the way Jesus loves us. There are so many things which I want you to know, but you'll never truly appreciate knowing them until you have learned from them on your own. One of my favorite verses is one I lean on continually found in John 14:26, "But the Comforter, which is the HOLY GHOST, whom the Father will send in MY Name, HE shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you."
Only the HOLY SPIRIT can truly teach you about GOD and HIS ways, but HE will not come to you until you first ask Jesus to come into your life. I like to listen to preaching and teaching about GOD, but I don't tend to believe any of what I hear from someone else until the HOLY SPIRIT confirms to me it is true. The HOLY SPIRIT is the confirmation of Jesus inside of you. It is the HOLY SPIRIT which talks to me when I tell others what the Lord has told me. Unfortunately, you won't know what I'm talking about until you have a relationship with Jesus.
What you know about me, child, is not who I was before we ever met. In the early part of 2004, I hated some people so much that I was very close to expressing my hatred of them by killing them and eventually myself. One night in March of 2004, quietly weeping while I layed in bed about to go to sleep, I asked Jesus to take my life because I did not want to be known to others for being a murderer. Rafael, I was as lost and headed for hell (eternal separation from GOD) as a person could be. I was so tormented by an evil spirit I knew I was going insane (an inability to control my thoughts). Then, still crying, I asked Jesus to save my life. Thereafter, I had to show GOD I was serious about wanting to be saved by doing what HE caused me know before I ever actually heard HIM speak to me. About nine or ten weeks later, GOD opened a window from the world we can't see unto me and poured HIS love upon and in me so much that HE delivered me of the evil spirit and confirmed HIS love for and towards me. From that very moment, my life immediately began to go towards HIM instead of away from HIM. So when I tell you about Jesus, it isn't because of what I've heard other people say about HIM. It is because Jesus allowed me to know HIM personally, and also know HE was the one that saved me.
I pray the Lord will give you everything HE has given me and more, and protect you until Jesus gives you the opportunity to know HIM better than you know your best friend.
Only because of Jesus am I able to tell you about HIM, |
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| To: MSB who wrote (42) | 12/17/2012 2:33:35 AM | | From: MSB | | | | "A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS"
Dear Family and Friends.....Christmas 2012
"What do you want from ME?", I heard the voice say in my head as I sat on the couch, previously having been with the Lord in prayer. "I want a hundred million dollars, Lord," I replied. "Lord," I continued, "YOU asked me what I thought was impossible for YOU in 2005, and I know nothing is impossible for YOU."
What a year. I'd love to tell you it has been exceedingly wonderful beyond my wildest expectations, but that would be a lie. The truth is, it has been a year of "ups" and "downs" which has tested my faith to the point of wanting to give up on GOD more times than I can count. And yet, in spite of everything (which isn't really anything compared to what so many have to endure on a daily basis), I still don't want to go back to the days when I thought I was saved, but was as lost as lost gets. That being said, I've wondered periodically if, when I "hear" something come to mind if it is the Lord speaking to me or a spirit of deception.
Several years ago, I had an experience I have shared, but I was cautious with whom I shared it. By now, I figure there are a lot of people including many of my own family who probably believe I'm certifiably nuts so now I'm not so shy about it. On a winter night, within the first year my wife and I were married, I went to bed before SJ around ten-thirty. She liked to stay up late, but I needed more sleep than she just to get through the next day. Trying to find the right position to induce sleep, I finally laid on my back and closed my eyes. The door of the bedroom was shut because it is hard for me to go to sleep with a lot of background noise. I remember hearing Letterman going through his nightly "Top 10" list even with the door closed.
For whatever reason, the muffled sound of the TV, or perhaps not really being tired enough to go to sleep quickly, I opened my eyes, and my sight focused on the foot of the bed. That is when it began to happen, a dark formless cloud began to rise above the end of the bed, and ever so slowly move across the covers toward me. When I first saw the cloud, I was intrigued. By the time it was half-way upon the bed, I became anxious. I noticed I couldn't move even though this cloud just kept coming toward me. Eventually, the cloud came to within a couple inches of my face, and I saw an evil face in the cloud. By that time, I knew by experience what it meant to be paralyzed by fear. It was as if I was frozen to that bed, I couldn't even scream. A voice came to my mind from the face and it said, "I can have you any time I want." Then just as slowly as it had approached me, it moved back over the end of the bed and the natural darkness of the unlit room returned to what it was when I first retired for the night.
If that was a dream, it was a dream I NEVER forgot. It seemed like a long time before my voice came back to me. Initially, I tried to cry out to SJ, albeit in vain. I remember later wondering why I didn't call out to Jesus. But the point is, who have I been listening to when I believe it is GOD speaking to me because of all the years of the eight since I've been saved, I've wondered.
I leave my job in Dec. of last year after a new store has been built and opened, and I'm working up to three hours every night off the clock to get it cleaned up before it opens the next day. I didn't leave because of the unpaid hours. I left because I was so tired on Sunday morning I couldn't get up to go to church. That was the last straw sort of speak. Then, when I get my last paycheck, I notice it is significantly shorter than I had anticipated. The company waited an additional two weeks to pay me for unused vacation time. That money runs out by mid January, so I cash out an IRA just to get by on. On the day I return to the bank to sign a form which should have been signed the day I closed the account, a man asks me to do some work for him. That gets me through mid to late February. In March I get the biggest federal refund I've ever had. And shortly after spending most of the money, I hear, "Hard times ahead," like a little whisper running beneath a stream of thought.
In April, I'm asked to rake a yard for a couple from church, about an acre or so. I've done it in the past and it is HARD! Then I hear the Lord say to me, "This is your seed." In other words, I don't get to keep any of it. Before May, the Lord blessed me with additional work which grossed out at $410. In May, I finally took a job, reluctantly, working at the Great Passion Play, and was laid off when it closed near the end of October. However, lest I forget, prior to receiving the refund check, I hear the Lord say to me during my prayer time, "(Person's Name) needs your help". The Lord spoke this to me five or six times this year.
About six weeks before the Play closed for the season, everyone was informed that unless enough money came into the organization before the end of the year, this was going to be the last season it would be open. A couple of weeks later, I asked the head man if the foundation made it a practice to give. He said, "Oh yes, we give hundreds of tickets away every year." That wasn't really what I was asking specifically, but I didn't elaborate at the time. One day I was watching "LIFE TODAY" with James and Betty Robison , and their guest for the program was Robert Morris (the pastor of Gateway Church) located somewhere in the Dallas/Ft. Worth metroplex. He wrote a book entitled "THE BLESSED LIFE". While I'm watching, I felt the Lord impressing me to get the book and have it sent to the head man at the Play.
If at all possible, when I know it is GOD speaking and telling me to do something of this nature, I will go out of my way to see it gets done without the receiver knowing I was the one who sent the gift. But in this particular case, I wrote a letter to the head man and told him he was going to be receiving the book in about four weeks. I also said the following: "I don't compare notes with those who believe they "hear" the Lord speaking to them, but there are two criteria when I'm pretty sure the Lord is speaking to me." And then I listed them: 1) It always seems to happen when I need the money, and 2) HE won't let me forget what HE told me to do.
I don't know what the Board of Directors used as a criteria for giving out of the proceeds from the ministry over the years, but I don't think free tickets qualifies when one needs a financial miracle from GOD. In November, the Board of Directors and the bank from whom they had borrowed a large sum of money came to a mutual agreement; the bank foreclosed on the property. In October, I asked the Lord about the financial situation before what happened came to pass, and I sincerely believe HE told me, "It will not die, it will survive." I guess we'll see.
Last year, just after I had left the convenience store, I heard the Lord say to me, "Restoration." After everything that has happened this year, I have no idea what was meant by that "word". Almost daily, I hear the Lord say to me, "Trust ME." You know, after GOD filled me with HIS Spirit in '04, I had a supernatural faith to the point of knowing no matter what everything was going to work out. I was so blessed those first few years. But ever so slowly, I found myself being confronted with fear and submitting to it, not to mention failing to heed the warnings of the HOLY SPIRIT. I had my faith on "autopilot" for so long I took a lot of things for granted. I never imagined I would be in such a state of spiritual desperation just for the basics. That is why I told GOD I wanted a 100 million dollars. I'm tired of giving out of my need. WHERE IS THE ABUNDANCE?! GOD forgive me, I have expressed my frustration to a few people, and it has been told to me what is so often mentioned, "There are a lot of rich people who are incredibly unhappy." I replied, "How many poor people do you know that love being poor?" I told GOD I hate being poor.
The Lord did do some amazing things this year for me personally. One day while cleaning up the amphitheater I asked the Lord for some money to buy some food to put in my stomach along with the ibuprofen because my back tends to ache when I have to stand on concrete for a long period of time. And I heard the Lord say, "How much do you want?" I said, "All I need is a couple of dollars." Not two minutes later, while proceeding through the rows to pick up trash missed from the night before, I looked down and saw a couple of bills; a dollar and a ten spot. PRAISE THE LORD! Thank you, GOD! You know that happened to me three or four other times when I really needed the money just to get to work the next day.
But there was one incident which truly rocked my world. Our pastor died suddenly in 2012. The leadership of the church took its time finding someone to replace him (I best leave that one alone). On the day the new pastor was to be presented for consideration, I was kneeling down in the pew praying during the praise and worship part of the service. Unbeknown to me, the pastor was sitting in the pew behind me. While praying, I asked the Lord when HE was coming back, and I heard come to mind, "Matt. 24:34". So I got up and looked at the scripture. I knelt back down, began to pray again, and I heard, "Your dad is coming home within three months." That was in August.
I was totally unnerved when I heard that come to mind. A month or two before that incident, the Lord prompted me to go forward and pray during the first part of the service. While at the prayer alter, I heard the words, "Wheat and chaff." I don't know what the significants of those two incidents are or even if they're connected. Absolutely beside myself when I heard the words pertaining to my dad, I got up from the pew and left the church crying. When I got to my vehicle, I was almost bawling. I said, "GOD, please don't take my dad. I will no longer have a father." And I heard the Lord say, "I'M your FATHER." No one in my immediate family has passed away to date including my dad. He is still with us. About six weeks later, however, our beloved four-legged friend died. And I thought later, did I misunderstand what was spoken to me. Three months after our beloved companion's passing, I still miss him. The Lord taught me a lot using him with regard to my relationship with the Lord. He was only seven or eight years old, no sign of anything wrong, and then one day he just stopped eating. I laid hands on the dog and believed GOD would heal him, but he died when I tried to pick him up to get him outside before going to work for the day.
It has been a year. As much as I'd like to say some things regarding the election, this letter is getting "long in the tooth". But for those who believe it was GOD's will our president was re-elected and like to use a passage from Daniel to make the point, I'd like to point out that the man is NOT a king. Further more, read Hosea 8:4. GOD is not going to approve of someone to lead this country who pays lip service to the Lord and then embraces and protects the rights of those to practice, "It is just a piece of tissue, I was born that way, and give up the land for peace". And no, I have not heard anyone else point this out. Our country has come to the place where a majority (apparently) have chosen to sin against GOD and call it a "right" and suggest this is true freedom. Does anyone honestly wonder why this country is over 16 trillion dollars in debt? Stupid, Stupid, STUPID!!!
Well, like I said...not much of a Christmas letter, but Jesus is still the ONE I want to be Lord of my life even in my own troubled time. Everyday, regardless of whether I go to church or not because they've done something which makes me wonder about them, I still spend time with the Lord in prayer praying for the unsaved, my family, the church, and Israel. And then I make time to spend reading the Bible. Because I'd rather have Jesus in my life than not.
Be Well and Be Blessed in the Name of Jesus.
P.S. No, I have not received a hundred million dollars, but I do believe the Lord told me HE will give it to me (hopefully not the day before HE comes back unless of course it is tomorrow in which case neither I nor those to whom I want to share it with will need it). |
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| To: MSB who wrote (43) | 12/20/2012 4:04:58 PM | | From: MSB | | | | "LET YOUR YES BE YES" Christmas Letter 2012 (rewrite)
As I have stated in the past, as it was told me by the Lord, each Christmas letter was supposed to be centered around telling others about Jesus. The only way I knew how to accomplish what HE told me to do was tell others what the Lord had done in my own life in the past year. As I stated in the first letter, this past year was many things, but wonderful wouldn't be a word I would use to describe it. However, perhaps in reality, the truth is the past year fell short of my own expectations. But the Lord did show HIMSELF faithful to me many times, even giving me pause to wonder, "How did YOU do that?!"
When I left the convenience store, I fully expected GOD to bring someone into my life for whom I would be working, be happy, and make more than I needed doing so. Needless to say, it didn't work out that way. It was (and seems to be so now) like moving from one oasis to another until the water has dried up and then moving on, not knowing where I'm going or being led to.
EL Barko and I were standing at the end of our driveway one early April afternoon (he was marking his spots, snorting, and scratching the ground throwing dirt every where but where he wanted), and while I'm holding his leash a thought comes to mind, "What do you want to do?" By then, I had already cashed and spent most of my refund check, two hundred dollars of which went for something the Lord asked me to do.
I looked toward the sky and said, "Lord, I want to work outside and help people." A few years ago, the Lord laid upon my heart to give up the lawn mowing business perhaps because I was so busy I wasn't spending the critical quality time needed with the Lord. But I never stopped wanting to do that type of work because it was something I truly enjoyed doing. But when the Lord spoke, I obeyed. I also thought it would give me the opportunity to witness to people I had never met. A day or two later, walking back to the house after returning from the mailbox, I heard the words, "you're hiding," come to mind in such a way as a kind of rebuke. I admit, I wasn't all that anxious to look for work which might put me back among the masses, i.e. dealing with people. I found working at the convenience store, most people were generally civil. But every once in awhile you would have to deal with someone you wish would just go away because they could ruin your whole day (or in my case "days" because I have a bad habit of dwelling). You could usually tell who the people were who lived in big cities because when you would greet them they would look at you like "why are you talking to me." After having to endure dealing with the general public for a long period of time, it is incredibly difficult to remember Jesus is Lord.
So anyway, a week or so goes by, and it is announced at church that the Passion Play is taking applications. And I thought, "I don't want to work there." But a day or two later I went out to the Smith Foundation grounds to place an application thinking, "Well, they do have a lot of grass which will need to be maintained." I applied for Grounds Keeping and put Usher as my second choice. As I'm filling out the application, a staff supervisor walks by and says, "I need someone to work with horses. Would you be interested in doing something like that?" I said, "I don't have any experience with horses. I really don't feel comfortable around them." He came back, "Well, if you change your mind," and walked out of sight.
You see, I still didn't want to work there; I wanted to mow grass and work by myself. After leaving the Foundation, I passed by a church which had some landscaping issues. A few days later, nothing going on (that little voice, "Hard times ahead" ringing true) I thought about calling the pastor of the church and asking if I could go out and work on the church grounds. Their flower beds were filled with weeds and there was definitely a need for some weedeating. After my prayer time with the Lord, I'm sitting on the couch (I seem to "hear" GOD speak to me a lot of times after prayer while sitting on the couch) and I hear the words, "Do what is in thine heart to do." And then I had a vision or saw in my mind's eye the Lord standing in front of me. And I heard HIM say, "Come home, come home, come home." PRAISE THE LORD! I'M GOING HOME!! Well, maybe, but not today.
So I called the pastor of the church, and he informed me they had someone who was supposed to be taking care of all that. I told him I didn't want any money, I just needed something to do since I was unemployed. He said I could and also gave me a name to contact for a job opportunity. I didn't call because it was in another town, and I didn't want to have to drive that far to work everyday. I still wanted, in spite of the lack, what I wanted. So while I'm at the church pulling buckets full of weeds out of their beds I happened to glance over at a church van sitting in one of the parking spaces and read in amazement in big green letters on the back, "Come home to....." It was a GOD appointed sign, it wasn't just my imagination!
To make a long story shorter, reluctantly, I accepted a position as an usher in the amphitheater attending to people prior, during, and after the play, and I LOVED IT! I was working outside and helping people. But I still wasn't sure why GOD wanted me there.
Before the play would start, I would go down into the seating area and pray. "Lord, please bring your SPIRIT upon this play tonight. And please, GOD, show me why I'm here." You see, although I eventually loved working for the foundation, I could not feel the witness of the Holy Spirit among the people with whom I worked, or even during the play. I was frustrated by the fact that while this type of ministry was dedicated to the life of Jesus, it was like "where are you LORD?!"
There was a time in past years when all 4400 seats would be filled. Opening night for the season saw 700+. Most of the nights since then were an average of 250-350 people, and on a good night, maybe, 5-600 attendees. The largest crowd for the year was just over 1000 on War Eagle weekend. I told one of my Spirit filled coworkers (one of the few) if people were coming to the play in wheelchairs and running out after the play was over, you couldn't keep people from coming. I felt like I was working for a glorified "pass-the-plate" operation.
But I persisted to seek the Lord regarding my own employment. One day while sitting in the seating area, having just finished praying, a man was walking down the steps to the set. I greeted him and then realized he looked familiar. I used to see him periodically when he would come into the store. As we talked, he confessed to me that he wasn't doing to well and gave me some of the details as to why. Then he said something I've yet to forget, "Sometimes the devil wins." I thought to myself, "No he doesn't," but it occured to me later, he will if you let him. The man even went so far as to tell me he had been considering ending his own life. I told him not to do that. GOD will intervene in your life if you will ask him to. He said, "I HAVE been asking, but HE isn't doing anything about the situation."
I invited him to pray with me, and still continue to do so. I saw him the next day in the break room and said, "I expect GOOD NEWS." As the days continued to go on, this man had been in the throws of this up and down cycle for sometime as it became apparent from others who had mentioned ministering to him. But I began to wonder, "Lord, it this why you want me here?" One night, a woman was up and down out of her seat during the play. I inquired of her and she stated that her legs would hurt if she sat for to long. After a fellow usher returned from a break to resume watching the gate where I was, I began to walk back to the gate I had been assigned to watch once he returned. But I turned back toward the woman, and hesitantly I asked her, "Ma'am, would you like to be prayed for?" And she said she would. So I called my known brother in Christ, and we prayed for the woman. And while we prayed, I could feel the witness of the Holy Spirit within me. Later, after the play, I saw the woman walking back to her transportation and asked about her legs. She said, "All the pain is gone in my right leg, and most of the pain is gone in my left." Praise the Lord.
I related the report to my fellow brother, and he asked me to share it with the group who prayed each night before the play. After recounting the details, I said, "I've been feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit lately when I pray with others. If you feel the need to pray for someone, but are reluctant to do so, then come and get me and I'll pray for them." A couple nights later, my name's sake and I prayed for another person. The next week I saw a man who looked to be in some type of distress. So I asked him if I could pray for him. He said he had been suffering from a cold for sometime. So I took him by the hand and prayed for his healing. Two days later I'm laying flat on my back and every joint in my body is aching, chills, fever, etc. And one day while laying on the couch sick (I rarely get sick), I asked the Lord why I was sick. And the Lord said, "I will not share MY Glory with anyone." Later, I realized my confidence in praying for others was becoming based more upon myself and less on GOD. I didn't pray for anyone after that. But I didn't stop praying.
I had been working the play nightly for a couple of months. I was only working seventeen and half hours a week. It was supposed to be at least twenty hours a week. Money was really tight. I was able to resume the mowing for my former employer, and even given more work doing clean up on the adjacent property. But I was barely getting by. What had come to pass was exactly what I had feared would happen shortly after I had been filled with the Holy Spirit eight years ago. Only this time, I knew I didn't possess the level of faith I once had, and I was beginning to get nervous about the future. Funny thing was, when my prayers became more desperate for my own financial situation, the Lord would impress upon me to give a gift 5-10 times my tithe. I thought, "GOD, YOU'RE KILLING ME!!" And so many times the Lord would say, speaking my name, "Trust ME," or "There are good things coming in your life," or "I have something for you," or "It will be well with you." One time I asked the Lord if HIS definition of "good things" and mine were the same.
A few days later, someone would call and I'd get additional work. Around the first of August, the head man asked me one night what I did during the day. I said I did my own thing, and then worked the play at night. He then asked me if I would be interested in helping out during the day. The kid who did the expediting was going back to school at the end of the month. I said, "Yes." But I also had to clean up after the animals and wash horses. And I thought later, "Is that the job I turned down the day I applied?" It turned out to be my dream job. I didn't care for the horses part, but I was better at it than I thought I would be. I was also working by myself. Of course, by the end of October that all ended, and I was back to where I had started after leaving the convenience store. It was a couple of weeks before the season ended that I told the Lord after HE asked me what I wanted from HIM that I wanted a $100 Million Dollars.
Several years ago when I used to play the numbers (state lottery), I dreamed of a big jackpot. But it wasn't fame or a lavish lifestyle I wanted to live. It was to form an organization to help people who would otherwise fall through the cracks of society because for whatever reason they didn't qualify but desperately needed assistance. And it is because I love giving. I am not real fond, however, of giving what I'd rather keep based on my own perceived need which seems to have been the rule more than the exception in the last few years. A few weeks ago, pouting and on the verge of a spiritual temper tantrum, I told the Lord if things didn't get better soon I was just going to stop giving. Immediately, I heard rather matter of fact, "You'll give."
The dream has never died. I don't care to be the "out front" person. I'm more comfortable working behind the scenes. As the Lord continued to bring HIS question back to my memory, I told GOD I wanted to have a true sense of purpose. It is almost as if I'm merely existing with no sense of direction. I still want to form an organization with a bunch of capital to help people and bring the message of Jesus to others. I dream (maybe fantasize is more correct) of having enough money to come together with six other people who love to give, either to individuals or ministries which feed the hungry and minister through the power of the Holy Spirit the truth of Jesus. We would meet once a year, each with a particular need of another, and present the need to the group. Then, after all the presentations, seek the Lord and vote on the two or three which we individually feel the Lord impresses upon our heart, the only exception being one cannot vote for their own presentation. This way the true Spirit of GOD would bring forth by HIS "word" where or to whom a designated amount of money would go. Each person would also be given a $1000 to cover expenses incurred wherever the location was where the meeting was held. If their need wasn't chosen, those people would also have something to give to the need they presented even if it fell short of what was possible. I've wanted to do this for years, and by the Grace of GOD, I will if HE wills.
There were other times I saw the Lord's hand in my life, and I expressed some of them in the original letter. GOD still brings people specifically to mind which means I know HE wants me to do something. They do not come to mind though because I have some fore knowledge of their situation. One day, the Lord kept bringing the name of one particular woman to mind. I used to do yard work for her and have been praying for her to have a real life salvation experience like I had in 2004. So I asked the Lord what was going on, and I heard the word "cancer". Then I said, "Lord, what do you want me to tell her?" And the Lord said, "If she will call upon MY Name, I will save her."
I piddled around the house for awhile knowing full well what the Lord had told me. I wanted to see what GOD had told me come to pass, but I always feel uneasy about having to be the one to do that kind of thing. I knew the Lord wasn't going to leave me alone about it, so finally I called her. I hadn't spoken to Ruth (not her real name) in any meaningful way for a couple of years. I noticed when she spoke her voice sounded raspy. I asked if she was going to be home that day because there was something I wanted to talk to her about and couldn't do it over the phone. She said she would be home.
Reluctantly, I went over to her house, and thankfully, her boyfriend wasn't there. Not that he is a bad person, but I really didn't want to have to repeat what was told me to anyone but her. I asked her why her voice sounded so rough. She said that her doctor told her she had some tumors which were pressing on her vocal cords or something to that effect. She also said her doctor believed the tumors were benign. I then proceeded to tell her why I wanted to talk to her. I said, "You know my story about how GOD supernaturally came into my life. I was praying today, and I heard your name come to mind rather forcefully. I wanted to know what was going on with you." I did not, however, tell her what the Lord told me to tell her because she said her doctor told her the tumors were benign. I wished her well and encouraged her to make sure what her doctor believed was true. And then I left. I felt somewhat guilty for not telling her what the Lord told me to tell her, but what was the point if the cancer wasn't alive. I prayed about it, and believe I heard the Lord say, "You did what I told you to do." I wondered later if I hadn't inadvertantly been used by the Lord to confirm to Ruth that the Lord knew what was going on in her life. Maybe she said a prayer at some point, I just don't know.
I called her a couple of weeks later and left a message, but she never returned my call unless SJ erased it thinking I had already received it. I saw her boyfriend a few days ago at the hardware store, and he asked me if she had called me back. I told him I didn't think so. And then he said, "Thank you," but didn't elaborate.
The Lord impressed upon me during this rewrite to "Be honest, tell the truth." I hope I have lived up to HIS command. I hope I haven't led anyone to believe I think very highly of myself, or taken anything away from the Lord which HE alone deserves. The truth is, 99% of the time I have no idea what HE is doing in my life especially during these hard times in my own life. I remember thinking about what the children of Israel said to Moses when they had been in the dessert for a few weeks, "Did you deliver us from Egypt into the dessert just so you could kill us?" I, too, have wondered, not that I desire to go back mind you. I also remember asking the Lord to either end my life or bless me. I'm sorry to say I'm not the person I was when I first started this thread. Of all these short years of speaking to and hearing from the Lord, this one has been the toughest.
But every morning when I awake the first thought which comes to mind is Jesus, and the last one before I go to bed is Jesus, not to mention thinking upon HIM a whole lot during the day. I still try to pray about an hour before I start my day and spend time in HIS Word. I'll rarely leave the house without praying first. And even though it has been tough on me financially this year, and I've wondered about HIM more times than I can count, I'd rather HE be in my life than not.
There is more I could talk about like the Sunday I put my key to the church in the plate along with my tithe, and told myself I wasn't going back (again). The following Saturday our beloved furry friend Sir Barksalot stopped barking forever. It seems like there are too many things I keep having to learn the hard way. If GOD does bless me with the $100 million, one thing I will do is build a prayer chapel on my property. At least I'll have some place to go where I can be alone with the Lord without distraction.
I can't promise you'll have the same type of relationship with Jesus that I have (hopefully better), but I know by experience HE wants you to know HIM a whole lot more than you may want to know HIM. If you don't know what to believe, ask Jesus to reveal HIMSELF to you in a way you'll have no doubt HE is in fact real. I truly believe HE will because HE wants and is waiting for you to do so.
From and the first check I received via unemployment, the Lord said, "Give," after hearing the testamony of an orphan girl from Muldova (the Jim Bakker Show). So I sent half of it. HE was right again..."You'll give."
Be Well, Be Blessed, and stay connected to the true source of life, Jesus.
By the way, if you have the opportunity to do so, check out the Blessed Life on Daystar with Robert Morris. I also continue to recommend Aquilla Nash (The Prophetic Whisper on TBN's TCC), Andrew Womack (The Gospel Truth on Daystar and TBN's TCC), Sid Roth (Its Supernatural on Daystar and TBN), and Life Today with James and Betty Robison. |
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| From: MSB | 12/22/2013 2:42:07 AM | | | | | | Christmas Letter.....2013
Dear Family and friends,
"Decrease Brings Increase".
I started thinking about what I would write for this year's letter a couple of months ago. But when the time came to actually sit down and do it, I really struggled with whether or not to write the letter at all. I know there are very few people who look forward to receiving it, and I also know I can be quite self-righteous about what I relate at times. That being said, it isn't the real reason I am reluctant to take the time to let people know how GOD has impacted my life this past year. Eventually, in one way or another, I will let those with whom I interact on a semi regular basis know that not only do I believe in a supernatural being known as GOD, but that I have actually had a very real life changing experience with HIM through HIS only begotten Son, Jesus. Because that did in fact happen to me, I believe everything is either a manifestation of a positive or negative spiritual influence. I also realize more and more any given outcome is contingent upon my own faith regardless of the the circumstances pertaining to any particular situation.
Which is why I feel somewhat uncomfortable writing this year's letter. I have back slided badly this past year. If I were to tell you only about the positive things which happened, I'd also be guilty of ignoring my own failures. Truth is, I really don't like my life, and unless something happens which reinvigorates my passion for GOD, the sooner I go to the afterlife, the better. However it is also true, in spite of my own spiritual failures, GOD still is and Jesus lives. This year, I lied for the sake of personal provision, washed my hands of an individual the Lord specifically told me to help, and finally admitted that I have a problem with physical gratification of a nature which I will not detail, although thankfully, neither have I gone over the line (i.e. adultery). I've gotten to the point where I have to admit I'm not some super righteous Christian, and often deal with trying to figure out what is so wonderful about life at all. I'm tired of being me; I'm tired being, period. I also know I can't do anything to relieve myself of my mortality because, like it or not, I will live forever....somewhere.
I had considered two other titles for this year's letter, "i am Because YOU Are", and "Dead Flowers", the latter being how I see myself now compared to the day when the Lord turned my life around one hundred eighty degrees within fifteen seconds at ll:25 in the morning on May 9th, 2004. But I believe this year's title is what I'm supposed to use even though I have no idea how it will apply even when I sign off. It was spoken to me while I was praying one day. Now I admit, if it was someone else, I'd tell them all kinds of things which I know to be true, but for some reason I can't seem to accept or receive perhaps because of the length and breadth of which I have had a personal relationship with GOD (I've had numerous experiences in the last nine years of a supernatural nature), or perhaps because of a lingering rebellious spirit which causes me to question almost everything not the least of which is authority.
I used to believe when someone would say their relationship with the Lord was private, it was BS. But I realize more and more that truly, one size does not fit all. One individual, which attended the same church I once attended, would periodically say, "You can't trust your feelings." After giving it some thought, I realized it isn't wise to simply leave it as is. In one respect it is true, because the Bible says the Word of the Lord is true despite what one may be going through at any given time. But it isn't true when something spectacularly wonderful happens giving one an incredible feeling of joy and peace. When one is privileged to come into the presence of GOD, I guarantee you'll feel it.
My own relationship with our heavenly Father because of Jesus has become more and more private these last few months. Except when I'm on vacation (which is no excuse), I try to make time to pray. I'm sorry to say, I don't read my Bible very much because I don't seem to process what the Lord is trying to tell me very well. I'm far more likely to trust what HE will tell me while I'm praying which is not to suggest others should do the same. EVERY DAY I think about Jesus. EVERY DAY I feel so inadequate to represent HIM not only because of what I know HE did for me, but also because of the mistakes I've made when HE told me to do something, and I balked or failed to do it. And there have also been times when, while I know the consequences of shaking my fist at GOD, I've been disappointed with a certain outcome and find myself being mad at HIM.
For instance, this past February when I found over $500 worth of lottery scratchers which may have been worth significantly more than their face value (although probably not). I'm going to reveal something I've been doing for the last 8 years which I readily admit I do take pride in to a point, and also make some believers quite uncomfortable. After I was born again, I tended to gravitate toward a desire to give financially toward those who were helpless and/or homeless. But I was also a person who had little means. It was a real struggle to just give my tithe many times, but I have yet to fail to do so in over eight years. In my pre-adult days, I would periodically walk along the highway outside of town and pick up aluminum cans to make extra money. Having this yearning to give in the Name of the Lord when I worked at the convenience store, I began to pull the cans out of the trash on the nights I worked. Then it progressed into going through all the trash to retrieve cans. I still do it to this day, even though I no longer do that type of work. I'm able to give about $80+ a year to feed hungry children. By the way, that doesn't make me any better to GOD compared to any other, but at the same time, no one can tell me as a believer in Jesus they don't have the capacity to put action behind their faith in Christ. Is it an exercise in humility? YES IT IS!! One night, after having gotten the key to unlock the dumpster and walking back to begin the treasure hunt, I heard the Lord say, "Are you ashamed of ME?" And I replied, "No Lord, I'm embarrassed." I actually enjoy "dumpster diving", but I don't enjoy being seen doing it.
I told you last year what I said to the Lord when HE asked me what I wanted from HIM. For what it is worth, I remind HIM frequently I wasn't kidding. I believe HE has told me HE will give it to me, however, I also wonder if HE actually will. HE keeps saying to me, "Believe." Anyway, one day while I was going through the trash, I found a bunch of lottery scratchers which were as perfect as the day they came off the roll. My heart immediately leapt because I knew I had found money especially when I really needed it. The only question was, how much? But I also wondered if the tickets had been stolen and would therefore be unredeemable. So after finishing, I went into the store and checked one of the tickets. The tickets were still active. Still, I had to "look a gift horse in the mouth" so I asked one of the store managers to find out from where they originated.
Well, the person did a little more than that, and as it turned out, the tickets had been stolen, but the store owner was unaware of it. They had failed to keep track of their ticket sales. I wasn't real sure I wanted to give the tickets back. So I sought the advice of a pastor for whom I have a great deal of respect. After talking with him, I still wasn't sure so I prayed about it. "Give them back" is what I heard. To say the least I was disappointed. The store clerk who had contacted the competing store owner called one afternoon to tell me to do something about the situation because the person from whom they were taken was repeatedly coming to the store hoping to retrieve them. So with the tickets in hand, I walked up to the store to give them back. But I wasn't simply going to just give them back without saying something.
I handed the individual the tickets in a zip lock bag. They told me it was one of their own children who had taken them though they were unaware of it until the other clerk had contacted them. And the person was also very grateful. So I said, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" They said okay. I said, "Do you know Jesus?" They replied, "Oh yes. As a matter of fact, I was just reading the Bible on my iphone. "Jesus, the same yesterday, today, and forever." I came back, "Yes, that is found in Hebrews." "Oh, you must really know your Bible," and I replied, "No, I just know where that scripture is found."
Then I told the person the story of how I had come across the tickets and pointed out the fact they would have never known had I not found them. I also told them I wanted to keep them because I needed the money. Then the person reached in their pocket and pulled out about forty dollars and offered it to me. I told them just to keep it. I also told them to stop worrying about the child and give them to the Lord.
I realize what I'm about to say will probably rub some people the wrong way, but I'm going to say it anyway. Some years ago, about four or five months after we had gotten another dog, he wandered off when I failed to keep an eye on him. About a half hour had passed when I got a phone call telling me a girl had found the dog. I said, "Don't let go of him. I'll be right there." On my way to where the dog was being held, I stuck five dollars in my pocket. When I got to where the dog was, only a few blocks from the house, I handed the girl the five dollar bill. She tried to give it back, and I said, "No. I believe good deeds should be rewarded."
The individual to whom I returned the tickets only offered me a thank you reward when I told them I also needed the money. It never crossed their mind to do so until I said something. It actually amazes me how many people there are who seem to think a simple thank you should be enough. It may also be the reason why when someone loses something of value due to their own personal negligence or stupidity, they don't get it back. I have found wallets, clutch purses, personal checks, and even jewelry, and in only one case did the individual offer a thank you reward (which because I was better off, refused). When I find money laying on the ground with no apparent clue as to who lost it, I stick it in my pocket and say, "Thank you Jesus." I have found about $80 in cash in the last two years. I've also found, in the trash, two working cell phones and about $140 in scratcher tickets which were thought to be non winners. The cell phones I turned into the police department and picked up three months later when the original owner failed to claim them. And lest I fail to give credit where credit is due, every single time I've found anything of value, the Lord told me during prayer, "I have something for you, today." In spite of what I perceive to be a dismal spiritual life, I don't know if I could go on if the Lord didn't say something to me everyday.
Yes, this will be a long one. Last year, I specifically heard the Lord (Holy Spirit) tell me a particular individual needed my help. And, as I related, I took some firewood to his home (for the purpose of this letter I'll call him Sal). I made sure Sal had something to heat his home all last winter. But Sal's health issues were finally catching up with him, and he went into the hospital before the winter ended. Because he was on disability, he also had medicade which didn't completely take care of the bill. Anyway, I got a call from him and found out the hospital had released him, but because it was so hard for him to breathe (he smoked almost 20 packs a week), they took him to a motel instead where he wouldn't have to use his wood stove for heat. While speaking with Sal at the motel, he told me he realized he wasn't ready to die. Upon leaving his room, I stood outside the door and prayed the Lord would not only spare his life but also reveal HIMSELF to Sal in such a way that Sal would know how much GOD really did love him. And while I was praying, I felt the witness of the Holy Spirit stir within me.
Sal wasn't in the motel very long before returning to the hospital for a bit longer than the one night the first time he went in. When he was released the second time and taken back to his home, the cold weather now past for the year, the first thing he did was light up. Yet for three days while in the hospital he couldn't smoke. And I thought, how stupid can someone be. Oh, he just couldn't live without them.
Well, Sal got an oxygen generator for his home along with someone from home health services who would come by once a week. I continued to see Sal on a weekly basis, going to buy things he needed including smokes so he wouldn't have to pay someone to do it for him. I also smoke, as many of you know, and was going to make the trip anyway. I would usually spend some time talking with him after returning to his home with the things I had picked up for him. And his health seemed to be improving through the spring and summer months. I also tried to keep Jesus in the conversation especially when we would share with one another past experiences. I would periodically say something like, "I'm glad the Lord set me free from such and such", or how the Lord had done something for me like when HE healed my eye this year.
But it was as if it would go through one ear and out the other. During the times Sal would make reference to GOD, he spoke about HIM like it was an unproven theory or GOD had never really ever done anything for him. Near the end of the summer, Sal began to talk about trying to find someone who would loan him enough money to build another small home on his property and rent out the one he was in (I'm thinking in the back of my mind, "Don't look at me."). He also told me he had had it all taken care of at one time, needing no one to help him with anything. But now, due to other people, it was somehow their fault that he was in the current state he had to endure. When Sal would eventually start going in the "it isn't my fault" direction, I'd listen for about twenty minutes and bid him farewell.
In October, Sal began to start working on a way to generate heat in his home without having to use his wood stove. I asked him why, and he said it was because of the oxygen machine, although I couldn't figure out why his thinking didn't also apply when he lit up with a tube stuck in his nose. He also sold his bike to someone which gave him some extra money. After having spent some time with him one Friday evening, I heard the Lord say again to me, "Sal needs your help." I said, "I know Lord, but I just don't know how to help him."
Five minutes didn't pass from the time I heard the Lord speak to me until Sal called me. He said he had a way to heat his home and the money to do it, but he needed help. Sal had built the home he lived in. It was a cabin about 20' x 20' with a tin roof. He used 2 x 4's for trusses upon which he attached the tin sheeting, filled the space on the inside of the ceiling with insulation, and covered it with canvas. Over time, the insulation had began to release fiberous dust particles into the rooms below through the deteriorating canvas (it looked like burlap to me.) Sal wanted to buy thin sheets of plywood and cover the inside of the ceiling.
So I called someone who I knew was capable of doing the work, knowing it would be done right when it was finished. To make a long story shorter, the carpenter didn't think the 2 x 4's would support the additional weight, fearing the entire roof could fall in. I thought initially the work could be done in a couple of days, but the carpenter thought it would take at least four days with my help. I was willing to cover the cost of the labor until he told me that. And Sal would tell me privately he thought the guy was after more money, not to mention his confidence in his own past building ability. I suggested simply covering the entire ceiling with plastic which would at least stop the fiberglass dust from filtering into the room. Sal said no. That was the beginning of the end.
It irritated me when he accused the one guy I contacted to help of being incompetent and money grubbing. I don't let people do work for me who act that way, so why would I ask him to help someone else, not to mention my offering to take care of the cost of the labor. A few days later, Sal went back to the hospital for some bowel problems, but was released the same day. I spent the better part of my evening running errands for him. The next day, he went back into the hospital. Unaware he had done so, I stopped by his house to check on him. When I found him gone, I immediately went to the hospital and found out he had in fact been checked in. Upon learning the news, I told the person I wasn't going to visit him, nor did I want them to tell Sal I had stopped by. That was the last time I knew where he was. I made up my mind that night that I wasn't going to have an active role in his life any longer. I could no longer justify buying cigarretts for him especially when it was probably what was killing him. He called a few times after that, but I didn't return his calls. Sal passed away around the beginning of November.
I'm not proud of the way I handled the situation especially considering how it ended. I was told by the Lord Sal wasn't going to be in this life much longer, but I thought it would be longer than it was. Clearly, Sal had opportunities to call upon the Name of the Lord and make decisions which I believe would have been much better not only with regard to this life, but also his life in the "hereafter". Whether he in fact did call upon the Lord to save him isn't entirely clear to me. I hope, at some point, he had sense enough to make his peace with GOD.
My reasons for relating this story are two-fold. I don't believe it is simply coincidence regarding those of you for whom I have done work this year, or have continued to touch my life in some particular way. I really do appreciate your allowing me to do yardwork for you, and I can't think of any of those for whom I have done work this past year which I don't particularly care for. On the contrary, all of you are wonderful people in your own right. But I also know it is GOD which has made my working relationship with you possible.
Ever since May 9th, 2004, I went from being just some guy trying to make sense of life and get along in it, to being someone which GOD (the Father) changed forever by one encounter settling every doubt in my mind to the realness of HIS Being. AND ever since that day, I have tried to let people know how truly wonderful HE is because of what Jesus did on everyone's behalf through the experinces I've lived every year since then. But I also know I can't make you believe what I tell you is true, or why I make it a point to make mention of the Lord (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) during those times I have spoken to you. The truth is, I just don't know how to impress upon you, that regardless of everything which you touch or touches you, to settle the question as to where you're going to spend eternity. Whether you believe it or not, I really didn't want to write this year's letter as you see it, but the Holy Spirit impressed upon me to do so. And I was also told to tell those of you who don't have a personal relationship with GOD that if you will call upon the Name of Jesus, HE WILL save you. I tell people, if they're truly sincere, to ask GOD to reveal HIMSELF to them in such a way that they will know for a fact HE is real. I truly believe HE will because HE did for me.
And for those of you on the website where this is posted who might actually have been curious enough to have read this (most of whom are agnostics ((since no true athiest can actually justify continuing to exist))), I suggest you check out Howard Storm's story at howardstorm.com especially if you don't believe there actually is a place of eternal damnation and suffering. I know, in spite of how I'd like to be towards everyone, I can be quite unkind and manipulative toward those who rub me the wrong way. Fact is, there are a lot of people I really don't like, and only three people I've known in my entire life whose faith in GOD has actually impressed me. But I don't dislike anyone so much that I don't care about there eternal salvation.
I could write another ten pages regarding the Great Passion Play (the "word" of the Lord did in fact come to pass - It will not die, it will survive) reopening in 2013, the $1500 kitchen faucet ($500 for the faucet, $1000+ for SJ's broken wrist and little finger), and the "word" spoken to me in April after I gave a Passover Offering even though I was almost broke ("You're going to be busy"). I wanted to write about what the Lord said regarding blessing and cursing, and what I believe HE meant when HE said, "I lay before you life and death; choose life." I wanted to share some insights pertaining to the two men who were crucified with the Lord when HE went to the cross. But I will make time for one last reflection.
I had also considered for a title, "The Biggest Problem With The Church Is...", and saying in so many words that the the biggest problem is the true Head of the Church has yet to return. We, the Lord's body, are overall truly a poor excuse for what we know to be true and exercise accordingly. I have pretty much stopped attending any fellowship altogether. When the pastor which was voted on to replace the pastor that passed away came in, I just couldn't take it anymore. I decided if I was going to fall asleep, I'd rather be at home when I did. When you've had the fire, smoldering won't due. While I know how it will sound, I miss the building more than the people who attended. There was something about the light shining through the large stain glass window which filled the front of the sancturary on Wednesday afternoons when I would go to pray alone that I really do miss. When I could pour out my heart to the Lord kneeling before the prayer alter, or laid out, face down on the floor.
Even at the church where I have been going from time to time (New Day), the one thing which seems to be missing is the overwhelming presense of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said there would be signs and wonders which would follow the preaching of the word of the Lord. Where are they?
Jesus said to the nobleman in John 4, "Except you see signs and wonders you will not believe." It also says, in the same hour the nobleman believed what Jesus told him, his son was saved. Over and over I see somebody stepping up to the pulpit to speak, unfortunately it is more about what they want to say then waiting on the Holy Spirit, yielding themselves to HIS presense, and speaking what has been spoken to them. Ministries seem more about teaching than preaching. When are we finally going to get it? We can not, in the power of our own flesh no matter how determined, make GOD move to bring others into the Kingdom of heaven. I have found, more often than not, most people really don't want to know Jesus. They would rather consol themselves with the belief they'll go to heaven based on the fact they lived their lives better than someone like Adolf Hitler. I honestly believe it is the power of the Holy Spirit which is absent from our gatherings and/or individual lives. I told people last year, during my first year at the Play, if the word got out people were getting healed after watching the performance, you couldn't keep people from coming. And yet we continue to struggle not only for our own spiritual sanity (or at least I do), but for those we love for whom we long to have a real life experience with our beloved Saviour.
I rarely know where to end a letter so I just stop and sign off. I can imagine, had I not been the one to write it, but instead receieved it thinking, "Well, that was weird." Yet I am consumed, in spite of my own personal and spiritual failures, with a desire to bring the Name of Jesus into the lives of as many people as I can because I KNOW it is true. Everyone, without exception, will have an afterlife. The only question is where?
And I choose this time of year to give this letter because it is one of the few times when people will give some thought to our heavenly Creator and HIS only begotten Son (the Firstfruits of Righteousness). It is included with some fruit, which in my opinion, is the best that money can buy, and given to those in appreciation for being allowed by GOD (whether they're aware of it or not) to bless me. Regardless of what you might be thinking now, or how you might perceive me in the future, thank you.
James 4:6 "GOD resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble." Decrease brings increase.
I will close with something I saw on a church marque earlier this year, "Be kind. Everyone is fighting a hard battle."
In the Name of Jesus and Jesus alone, |
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