| From: Tomato | 12/11/2021 6:10:14 PM | | | | | | What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
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I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....
I didn't open any of the doors.
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Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar
but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more.
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Why should you never buy The Doors themed advent Calender's?
Because they keep breaking on through to the other side.
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Instead of going to the liquor store, I'm gonna get a Oscar Pistorious Advent Calendar, because there's a shot behind every door.
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Why does Jeremy Corbyn enjoy advent calendars?
Because it is the only time he will open the door to Number 10. |
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| From: Tomato | 12/12/2021 8:15:05 PM | | | | | | What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?
Decorative balls. |
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| From: Tomato | 12/14/2021 12:55:19 PM | | | | | | My wife just called me pretentious.
I was so surprised my monocle fell out.
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What do you call an ex-White House aide who wears an eye piece?
Monicle Lewinsky. |
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| From: High Grader | 12/14/2021 11:33:31 PM | | | | | | Olaf the Viking is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.
"What's the matter?" asks Olaf.
"Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."
Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.
At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.
"I'd really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"
Olaf just waves and walks off.
"I was really worried about you," comments the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"
" I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."
161 |
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| From: Tomato | 12/18/2021 1:32:40 PM | | | | | | A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers
The engineer quite upset, "What about them? We've had to wait here for 15 minutes!"
The doctor agreed, "I don't know, but I've never seen such incompetence!" The priest said, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's go talk to him! - Hey, George, what's going on with that Group ahead of us? They're pretty slow, aren't they?"
The groundskeeper replied, "Ah, yes, that's the group of blind firemen. They lost their sight last Year when they put out the fire in the clubhouse. We always let them play for free."
The three became very quiet.
Then the pastor said, "That's sad. I think I will pray for them tonight.“
The doctor: "Good idea, I'll check with my buddy the eye doctor. Maybe he can do something."
The engineer: "Why can’t they just play at night?”
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When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them
In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back.
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Hermit crabs have been known to have symbiotic relationships with sea anemones.
The crabs let the anemones ride around on their shells and will even share food with them.
It's a prime example of keeping your friends close and your anemones closer. |
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