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   PastimesJokes and Humor Only


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From: Tomato12/6/2021 10:10:50 PM
1 Recommendation   of 5918
 
A Jewish man named Saul Epstein owned a successful nail company. When he retires, he hands it over to his son-in-law. He then moves to Florida.

One day, he’s reading the NY Times and sees a full page ad with a picture of Jesus on the cross, and below are the words, “They Used Epstein Nails."

Furious, Saul calls this son-in-law and says, “Are you out of your mind? That’s no way to sell our product!’

The young man promises to fix everything, and a week later, Saul opens the NY Times and sees another full page ad. This one is a picture showing
an empty cross on a hill. In front of it is Jesus face down in the dust. On either side of him are 2 Roman soldiers along with the caption,
"They Didn’t Use Epstein Nails"

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From: Tomato12/7/2021 3:26:56 PM
1 Recommendation   of 5918
 
A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked a blonde waitress for a lobster tail.



She smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…”

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From: TimF12/9/2021 9:47:28 PM
2 Recommendations   of 5918
 

reddit.com

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From: Cogito Ergo Sum12/10/2021 6:44:44 AM
   of 5918
 
off colour :)



courtesy Pogue

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From: Cogito Ergo Sum12/10/2021 7:22:53 AM
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From: Tomato12/11/2021 6:10:14 PM
   of 5918
 
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.



I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....
I didn't open any of the doors.


Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar
but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more.



Why should you never buy The Doors themed advent Calender's?
Because they keep breaking on through to the other side.



Instead of going to the liquor store, I'm gonna get a Oscar Pistorious Advent Calendar, because there's a shot behind every door.


Why does Jeremy Corbyn enjoy advent calendars?


Because it is the only time he will open the door to Number 10.

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From: Tomato12/12/2021 8:15:05 PM
   of 5918
 
What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?



Decorative balls.

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From: PappaJohn12/13/2021 3:53:53 PM
   of 5918
 

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From: Tomato12/14/2021 12:55:19 PM
   of 5918
 
My wife just called me pretentious.



I was so surprised my monocle fell out.





What do you call an ex-White House aide who wears an eye piece?


Monicle Lewinsky.

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From: High Grader12/14/2021 11:33:31 PM
1 Recommendation   of 5918
 
Olaf the Viking is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.
"What's the matter?" asks Olaf.
"Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."
Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.
At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.
"I'd really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"
Olaf just waves and walks off.
"I was really worried about you," comments the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"
" I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."

161

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