| From: Tomato | 12/6/2021 1:47:15 PM | | | | | | Winter is nearly here & our native birds will soon be finding food scarce.
Please go to the pet shop & buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends.
There's no finer sight on a winters morning then a pair of tits around your nut sack.
Just remember, however, it's a bit late in the year to expect a swallow!
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What did one Australian Cyclops say to the other?
Good Eye mate!
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Rejected Dr. Seuss books:
- The Grinch's Twelve Inches
- Horton Fakes an Orgasm
- My Pocket Rocket Needs a Socket
- Horton Hires a Ho
- Who Shat in the Hat?
- The Cat in the Blender
- Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbet
- One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch |
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| From: Tomato | 12/6/2021 10:10:50 PM | | | | | | A Jewish man named Saul Epstein owned a successful nail company. When he retires, he hands it over to his son-in-law. He then moves to Florida.
One day, he’s reading the NY Times and sees a full page ad with a picture of Jesus on the cross, and below are the words, “They Used Epstein Nails."
Furious, Saul calls this son-in-law and says, “Are you out of your mind? That’s no way to sell our product!’
The young man promises to fix everything, and a week later, Saul opens the NY Times and sees another full page ad. This one is a picture showing
an empty cross on a hill. In front of it is Jesus face down in the dust. On either side of him are 2 Roman soldiers along with the caption,
"They Didn’t Use Epstein Nails" |
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| From: Tomato | 12/7/2021 3:26:56 PM | | | | | | A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked a blonde waitress for a lobster tail.
She smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…” |
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| From: Tomato | 12/11/2021 6:10:14 PM | | | | | | What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
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I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....
I didn't open any of the doors.
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Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar
but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more.
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Why should you never buy The Doors themed advent Calender's?
Because they keep breaking on through to the other side.
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Instead of going to the liquor store, I'm gonna get a Oscar Pistorious Advent Calendar, because there's a shot behind every door.
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Why does Jeremy Corbyn enjoy advent calendars?
Because it is the only time he will open the door to Number 10. |
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| From: Tomato | 12/12/2021 8:15:05 PM | | | | | | What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?
Decorative balls. |
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