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Pastimes Jokes and Humor Only

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To: Ron who wrote (5136)	10/30/2021 10:45:15 AM
From: Sun Tzu	of 5969

Very clever! :)

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From: Tomato	11/1/2021 12:54:27 PM
	of 5969

You know you're getting old when - You WANT clothes for Christmas. - The only thing in your cereal box is.......................cereal. - Christmas starts to piss you off. - You remember seeing Star Wars when it first came out. - Naps are a good thing. - You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny. - You no longer want a "muscle car" because the insurance premiums are too high. - You think Pong was the best video game ever. — My neighbor and his wife went out to dinner,the waitress started flirting with him. "She obviously has covid," "Why?" he asked. His wife replied with a sneer," Because she has no taste !”

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From: Tomato	11/3/2021 2:06:22 PM
	of 5969

Good: Your son is growing up. Bad: He's having sex with the neighborhood whore. Very Bad: It's the same whore you're having sex with. Good: You are teaching your daughter about the birds and the bees Bad: She interrupts you. Very Bad: She corrects you. Good: Your son is in a serious relationship. Bad: The relationship is with a man. Very Bad: The man is your best friend. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad: He watches porn in his room. Very Bad: The porn stars are you and your wife. — Did you hear about the Indian guy who loved karaoke? Getupta Singh.

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From: Tomato	11/3/2021 5:40:57 PM
	of 5969

Why are the Dutch so tall? So they can keep their heads above sea level. — I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. — A lot of people are talking about how unhealthy bagels are for you, and how there are so many better breakfast options. It’s a real schmear campaign.

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From: Tomato	11/4/2021 1:59:41 PM
	1 Recommendation of 5969

Woman ( to neighbor ): "My husband is 300% impotent." Neighbor: "Yesterday, you told me he was 100% impotent." Woman: "I know, but today he fell down the stairs, broke his finger, and bit his tongue.” — The wife and I watched porn last night. About halfway through she says, "Stop ! Rewind................rewind a little more............there. See that lamp on the nightstand next to the bed? I want one just like that for Christmas.”

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From: Tomato	11/5/2021 1:56:45 PM
	2 Recommendations of 5969

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right. I went jogging today, and I already feel ten years older. — I have trouble with etymology and entomology. I can never find the right word and it really bugs me. — I'm gonna make a movie about a man with a speech impediment during world War 2 I'm gonna call it Schindler's Lisp.

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From: Tomato	11/6/2021 2:53:49 PM
	of 5969

Why did the stingray start a conversation with the scuba diver? He wanted to have a manta-man talk. — I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster. I was making synonym toast. — What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris? Guys will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball. — Did you know Darth Vader’s cousin lives in Switzerland and drives a cab? He’s called ‘Taxi Vader.’

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From: Tomato	11/7/2021 10:57:01 AM
	2 Recommendations of 5969

Having too much sex can cause memory loss. I read it in Men's Health Journal 2006 on page 73 paragraph 4 footnote 3. — What does a Jewish person do if they see someone choking? They use the L'chaimlich maneuver.

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To: Tomato who wrote (5144)	11/7/2021 7:29:23 PM
From: Bargain Hunter	of 5969

Having too much sex can cause memory loss. I read it in Men's Health Journal 2006 on page 73 paragraph 4 footnote 3. Thanks for providing that reference. I could not for the life of me remember where I had read it.

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From: Tomato	11/8/2021 3:00:52 PM
	1 Recommendation of 5969

It's ridiculous that Aaron Rodgers equated himself to Martin Luther King, Jr. Only one of them took a shot. — Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant for the Last Supper. Jesus: "Table for 26 please” Waiter: "But there are only 13 of you" Jesus:"Yes but we all want to sit on the same side!”

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