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   PastimesJokes and Humor Only


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From: Tomato10/29/2021 1:59:37 PM
   of 5408
 
#1 movie at the Kuwait Multiplex:

Iraqnophobia



When a Keebler Elf throws up,

does he toss his cookies?



The best part of Halloween

is that the cobwebs in my house look like decorations.

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From: Ron10/30/2021 10:21:33 AM
4 Recommendations   of 5408
 
Meanwhile....


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To: Ron who wrote (5136)10/30/2021 10:45:15 AM
From: Sun Tzu
   of 5408
 
Very clever! :)

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From: Tomato11/1/2021 12:54:27 PM
   of 5408
 
You know you're getting old when

- You WANT clothes for Christmas.

- The only thing in your cereal box is.......................cereal.

- Christmas starts to piss you off.

- You remember seeing Star Wars when it first came out.

- Naps are a good thing.

- You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.

- You no longer want a "muscle car" because the insurance premiums are too high.

- You think Pong was the best video game ever.



My neighbor and his wife went out to dinner,the waitress started flirting with him.

"She obviously has covid," "Why?" he asked.

His wife replied with a sneer," Because she has no taste !”

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From: Tomato11/3/2021 2:06:22 PM
   of 5408
 
Good: Your son is growing up.
Bad: He's having sex with the neighborhood whore.
Very Bad: It's the same whore you're having sex with.

Good: You are teaching your daughter about the birds and the bees
Bad: She interrupts you.
Very Bad: She corrects you.

Good: Your son is in a serious relationship.
Bad: The relationship is with a man.
Very Bad: The man is your best friend.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: He watches porn in his room.
Very Bad: The porn stars are you and your wife.



Did you hear about the Indian guy who loved karaoke?



Getupta Singh.

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From: Tomato11/3/2021 5:40:57 PM
   of 5408
 
Why are the Dutch so tall?



So they can keep their heads above sea level.



I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.



I think I've forgotten this before.



A lot of people are talking about how unhealthy bagels are for you, and how there are so many better breakfast options.



It’s a real schmear campaign.

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From: Tomato11/4/2021 1:59:41 PM
1 Recommendation   of 5408
 
Woman ( to neighbor ):

"My husband is 300% impotent."
Neighbor: "Yesterday, you told me he was 100% impotent."
Woman: "I know, but today he fell down the stairs, broke his finger, and bit his tongue.”



The wife and I watched porn last night.

About halfway through she says, "Stop ! Rewind................rewind a little more............there. See that lamp on the nightstand next to the bed? I want one just like that for Christmas.”

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From: Tomato11/5/2021 1:56:45 PM
2 Recommendations   of 5408
 
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life.

He was right. I went jogging today, and I already feel ten years older.



I have trouble with etymology and entomology.



I can never find the right word and it really bugs me.



I'm gonna make a movie about a man with a speech impediment during world War 2



I'm gonna call it Schindler's Lisp.

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From: Tomato11/6/2021 2:53:49 PM
   of 5408
 
Why did the stingray start a conversation with the scuba diver?

He wanted to have a manta-man talk.



I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.



I was making synonym toast.



What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?



Guys will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.



Did you know Darth Vader’s cousin lives in Switzerland and drives a cab?



He’s called ‘Taxi Vader.’

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From: Tomato11/7/2021 10:57:01 AM
2 Recommendations   of 5408
 
Having too much sex can cause memory loss.



I read it in Men's Health Journal 2006 on page 73 paragraph 4 footnote 3.



What does a Jewish person do if they see someone choking?



They use the L'chaimlich maneuver.

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