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   PastimesAll Clowns Must Be Destroyed


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To: Thomas M. who wrote (17)12/9/1999 1:29:00 PM
From: Zach E.
   of 42523
 
Tears of a Clown

Now if there's a smile on my face,
it's only there tryin' to fool the public,
but when it comes down to foolin' you;
Now honey, that's quite a different subject.
But don't let my glad expression
give you the wrong impression.
Really I'm sad.
I'm sadder than sad.
You're gone and I'm hurtin' so bad.
Like a clown I pretend to be glad.
(chorus)
Now there's some sad things known to man,
but ain't too much sadder than
the tears of a clown
when there's no one around.
Now if I appear to be carefree,
it's only to camouflage my sadness.
In order to keep my pride I try
to cover the hurt with a show of gladness.
But don't let my show convince you
that I've been happy since you
decided to go.
Oh, I need you so.
I'm hurt and I want you to know.
(chorus)
Just like Pagliacci did,
I try to keep my sadness hid.
Smiling in the crowd I try
But in my lonely room I cry
the tears of a clown
when there's no one around.

-Stevie Wonder

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To: Zach E. who wrote (19)12/9/1999 1:34:00 PM
From: MythMan
   of 42523
 
Excellent!

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To: MythMan who wrote (20)12/9/1999 1:39:00 PM
From: Zach E.
   of 42523
 

Thanks, I was surprised that it hadn't been posted yet.

Zach

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To: Zach E. who wrote (19)12/9/1999 4:45:00 PM
From: Oblomov
   of 42523
 
I thought that the song was written by Smokey Robinson?

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To: Oblomov who wrote (22)12/9/1999 5:25:00 PM
From: Zach E.
   of 42523
 

I guess that there were actually three writers, Smokey Robinson, Henry Cosby, and Stevie Wonder, according to this link:

geocities.com

I accidentally only read the last one of the writers..

Zach

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To: Zach E. who wrote (23)12/9/1999 10:25:00 PM
From: Oblomov
   of 42523
 
Interesting... I've long been a Stevie Wonder fan (the first album I ever owned was Innervisions), but I didn't know he was a writer of that song...


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To: Cynic 2005 who wrote (15)12/10/1999 9:11:00 AM
From: MythMan
   of 42523
 
Subject 28758

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To: MythMan who wrote (25)12/10/1999 2:59:00 PM
From: hunchback
   of 42523
 
geocities.com

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To: hunchback who wrote (26)12/10/1999 3:03:00 PM
From: hunchback
   of 42523
 
Little Clown

Little Clown in the park
Don't you know that it's getting dark
You've been smoking crack since noon
And making x-rated animal balloons
Little clown go ride your trike
Little clown go take a hike
Little clown go honk your horn
Little clown stop reading porn

CHORUS:
Little clown at the door,
We don't want any more
Little clown at the door
We don't want any-

Little clown are you still here?
Finishing off your 18th beer
All the children have up and gone
While you were throwing up on the lawn
Little clown go honk your horn
Little clown stop reading porn
Little clown go ride your trike
Little clown just take a hike

CHORUS
SOLO

Little clown in the tent
Straight from Hell is where you were sent
I'm going to turn you upside down
And turn that smile into a frown
Little clown you're a silly freak
Little clown your future's bleak
Little clown don't throw that pie
Little clown you're going to die!
CHORUS

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To: MythMan who wrote (25)12/10/1999 4:45:00 PM
From: pater tenebrarum
   of 42523
 
Once upon a time there were two (as opposed to three) identical twins, who, in defiance of all we know about the genetic basis of intelligence, were anything but identical mentally. One of them was, quite frankly, stupid, while the other was very sharp indeed. In fact, he was a master of ready wit and stunning repartee.

One evening the stupid twin went to a circus that happened to be in town. He went early so he could get a good seat in the front row, right beside the ring, and he thoroughly enjoyed the experience. He marvelled at the elephants, cowered from the lions, and gaped at the trapeze artists in their skimpy costumes; he reacted exactly the way he was meant to.

Last of all, on came the clowns. They were his favourite bit of the circus. All that falling over, all that water, all those custard pies - it was hilarious. The lead clown was the most ludicrous of the lot: he had bigger shoes, baggier trousers, brighter make-up and the most enormous red nose. And part of the lead clown's job was to make fun of people in the audience.

So the clown looked around for someone to hassle, and saw a rather stupid-looking man sitting right in the front row. Ideal. He went up to the stupid twin and said:

"Sir, are you the front end of an ass?"

The stupid man sat there wishing that he hadn't come, wishing that the clown would go away and pick on someone else. He knew he wasn't very intelligent, and he knew he would come out of this looking very foolish. But he spoke up. "No," he said.

"Sir, are you the back end of an ass?" the clown continued.

"No, I'm not," the stupid man replied.

"Then, sir," the clown said slowly, letting the audience savour the moment, "you are no end of an ass!"

The audience, having a fairly poor sense of humour, erupted into laughter. The stupid man just wished he could die. Fortunately for him, the show was soon over.

When he got home, the stupid man told his brother what had happened.

"Don't worry," said the master of ready wit and stunning repartee, "I am a master of ready wit and stunning repartee. Tomorrow night I will go to the circus and make that clown look foolish."

So the next night, the master of ready wit and stunning repartee went to the circus, and got a front row seat. Being an intelligent man, he was considerably less impressed by the sight of dumb animals being made to do tricks, although he had to admit that the trapeze artists were rather tasty.

Then the clowns came out, and the one with the biggest shoes, baggiest trousers, brightest make-up and most ludicrously over-sized nose looked around the audience for someone to make fun of. He could not believe his luck. There, sitting in the front row, was the stupid man he'd got such a laugh out of the night before. So the clown approached the master of ready wit and stunning repartee and asked:

"Sir, are you the front end of an ass?"

"No," said the master of ready wit and stunning repartee.

"Sir, are you the back end of an ass?" the clown continued.

"No, I'm not," replied the master of ready wit and stunning repartee.

"Then, sir," said the clown, "you are no end of an ass!" The crowd went wild with laughter. The joke went down even better than it had the night before, and the clown felt on top of the world.

But just then the master of ready wit and stunning repartee stood up, smiled sadistically and said:

"Fuck off you red-nosed bastard."


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