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Pastimes : Jokes and Humor Only

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From: Tomato	2/18/2025 12:47:43 PM
	of 6224

I'm pretty sure my local Chinese restaurant killed Big Bird, and are using his meat in one of their dishes. They're calling it "Sesame Chicken.” — My mom was watching TV when an Alzheimer’s drug ad came on. She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case I get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me.” I said "Mom don't be silly. You’ve already written it down five times.” — Judaism is a lot like the pH scale: On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic. — When is a pixie not a pixie? When she's got her head down an elf's pants, then she's a goblin. — At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. “That won’t work,” countered the woman. “I’m not the mother, I’m the aunt.” — I snorted a few lines of Centrum Silve. Now I've got the urge to drive 25mph in the left lane with my right turn signal on all night.

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