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Pastimes : Jokes and Humor Only
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From: Tomato2/13/2025 1:03:42 PM
   of 6242
 
A man every time he smokes, he always smokes 2 cigarettes at the same time

And then one of his friends asks “Why do you always smoke two cigarettes at the same time?”

The man replies: “My brother is in prison, he told me to smoke a cigarette instead of him every time i smoke one for myself”

After some time his friend sees him smoking one cigarette and not two he becomes surprised and asks him “Why is it? Has your brother been freed from prison?”

The man replies: “Nah man, I decided to quit.”

—

Oscar Wilde:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Be yourself; everyone else is taken.

With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.

The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.

Nature: a place where birds fly around uncooked.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose.

A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.

Marriage is a long, dull meal with dessert served at the beginning.

The man who says his wife can't take a joke forgets that she took him.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh; otherwise they'll kill you.

If you cannot prove a man wrong, don't panic. You can always call him names.

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he won't expect it back.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Life is too short to learn German.

Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.
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