My wife is a sex object.
Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
—
Two Jewish guys are walking down the street
And they go by a church. There's a sign out front that says, "we'll give you 100 dollars to get baptized and be saved by Jesus."
The one guy smiles and says, "I'm going to do it. I mean hey, I'll be getting a hundred bucks just to take a bath."
The other guy thinks there must be some catch, so he says he'll wait outside. His friend goes into the church and comes back a few minutes later, dripping wet. He asks his friend, "so, did you get the hundred dollars?"
His friend says, "Is money all you people ever think about?”
—
Two Jewish assassins are in the Polish ghetto, and they are waiting to kill Hitler in a car he's reported to be in.
The car is meant to pass by them at midnight.
It gets to be midnight. And then 12:30. Then 1:30. Then 2:30.
Finally, one of them looks to the other and says, "God, I hope nothing happened to him.”
—
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common?
They both start at 12.
—
The self checkout lane was invented by
a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
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