A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the
tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a Humentash
on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also
wants him to put "Happy Purim" under the Humentash.
The guy does it and it comes out looking really good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Matzo tattoo
with "Happy Pesach" up on her left thigh. So the guy
does it and it comes out looking good, too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo
artist asks "If you don't mind, could you tell me why
you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining
all the time that there's nothing good to eat between
Purim and Passover!”
—
TWO PRAWNS
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea
One called Justin and the other called Kristian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold,
he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Kristian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark',
came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Kristian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Kristian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy,
and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.
'I've found Cod. I'm a
Prawn again Kristian’
—
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate,
graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for
Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference,
coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his
papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over
to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and
reverberated it down the hall!
He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to
deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the
stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her.
He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of
darkness.
The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr.
Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and
received my education here, but then I moved away."
Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing
happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one
thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't
even
remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?" |
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