Dinner party was very nice. Two lawyers and another dentist.
Best story – we were discussing dental malpractice insurance –one of the lawyers told us about a case he had to defend where a woman had her teeth bleached – and the dentist caused so much damage to her gums that she was unable to perform oral sex on
her husband. She lost the case.
—
The Catholic Priest was about to leave his mission in the jungles where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English, so he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree
and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replies, "My bike.”
—
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD
Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but
mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it
folded.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over
platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your
imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of
speaking.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is
two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a
dead giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your
count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get
repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and
I'll show you a flat
minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is
fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge
it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down
under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find
the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it
t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never
developed.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at
large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen
a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray
hair, she thought she'd
dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know
basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the
agony of defeat. |
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