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Pastimes : Jokes and Humor Only

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From: Tomato12/2/2021 1:57:34 PM
   of 5222
 
I love this time of year !

You can slam your laptop shut when your wife
walks into the room and you won't get any
disgusted looks !



A man says to his wife, “Hey honey, get out of bed. You, the dog, and I are going fishing.”
The wife says “I don’t want to go fishing.”
So the man gives his wife an ultimatum, “You either; come fishing, take it up the ass, or give me a blowjob.”
The wife chooses a blowjob..
After a while of sucking she says “tastes like shit..”
The man says “well, the dog didn’t want to go either.”



Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.



He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.



A Blonde decides she want to join the police...



She goes down to her local station & starts applies to join.
The Sergeant calls her over & says, 'before you join, I need to ask you a few questions'
1st Question: 'What's 2+2?'
Blonde says: 'that's easy 4'
2nd qstn: 'What the square root of 100?'
Blonde: 'it's 10'
Final Qstn: 'Who killed Abraham Lincoln?'
Blonde Thinks about it & says: 'I don't know who killed him'
Srgt says: 'That's fine, just go home & think about it'
Blonde heads back home & picks up some books from her local library on the way back.
Her friend rings her the next day & says: 'How'd you go trying to join the police?'
Blonde says: 'It went really well, I'm already working on my first murder case…'
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