I love this time of year !
You can slam your laptop shut when your wife walks into the room and you won't get any disgusted looks !
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A man says to his wife, “Hey honey, get out of bed. You, the dog, and I are going fishing.” The wife says “I don’t want to go fishing.” So the man gives his wife an ultimatum, “You either; come fishing, take it up the ass, or give me a blowjob.” The wife chooses a blowjob.. After a while of sucking she says “tastes like shit..” The man says “well, the dog didn’t want to go either.”
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Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.

He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.
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A Blonde decides she want to join the police...

She goes down to her local station & starts applies to join. The Sergeant calls her over & says, 'before you join, I need to ask you a few questions' 1st Question: 'What's 2+2?' Blonde says: 'that's easy 4' 2nd qstn: 'What the square root of 100?' Blonde: 'it's 10' Final Qstn: 'Who killed Abraham Lincoln?' Blonde Thinks about it & says: 'I don't know who killed him' Srgt says: 'That's fine, just go home & think about it' Blonde heads back home & picks up some books from her local library on the way back. Her friend rings her the next day & says: 'How'd you go trying to join the police?' Blonde says: 'It went really well, I'm already working on my first murder case…' |