|StockGate: Take Your Subpoena, Linda Thomsen, And Park It – We’re All Journalists Here |
Location: Blogs Guest Blog
Posted by: guestblog 2/28/2006 6:11 PM
March 1, 2006 (FinancialWire) (By Gayle Essary) If anyone is talking to Linda Thomsen, head of enforcement at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, please pass along our message: send a subpoena to us and you know where you can stick it. Jim Cramer at TheStreet.com (OTCBB: TSCM) and Herb Greenberg at Dow Jones (NYSE: DJ) have shown us just how powerful we journalists have become. We’re now above the law, baby, and most definitely out of the reach of SEC enforcement!
And if you have any questions, Linda, just ask Chris, your boss. He’s told the world that no matter what shenanigans we may be up to, as long as we’re part-time journalists, you can use your left-over subpoenas to paper your bathroom, alongside the counterfeit worthless stock certificates the naked short sellers have created for companies like Overstock.com (NASDAQ: OSTK), run by your co-conspirator, Patrick Byrne, or say, Novastar (NYSE: NFI).
Never has being a journalist carried so much clout, and we just can’t wait to take every advantage of it. David Rocker, if you’re listening, that means for the right price (wink) we’ll even sell you 7% to 8% of our media company, and if you like we’ll even install a “journalist” in your offices so it’ll be that much easier for you to help us tidy up any news articles we may write about any of your favorite mismanaged stocks.
The public won’t care. So what if they’ve so far voted 95% at investrendinformation.com that your SEC Chair Christopher Cox should be “rebuked” for rebuking Thomsen.
The public is used to corked bats, slobbered-on pitches, chemically hulked-up bodies, and hey, what’s wrong with cracking a kneecap if necessary to get on a skating team? The public won’t know the difference between short-selling a spiraling company by acquiring or borrowing stock to bet against it, a system that adds to market liquidity, and naked-shorting a stock in an attempt to maximize profits and run a company out of business before it has a chance to recover.
We’ll help them. Every time the subject of naked short selling comes up, we’ll change the subject to short selling and talk about how poorly the company is performing.
The former makes for good markets. The latter is illegal. But, nothing is illegal for us journalists. So, David, here’s our sweetener. We’ll make you a “contributing editor.” No matter that like Cramer, you didn’t go to journalism school. You do the stock counterfeiting, and we’ll take care of the journalism credential counterfeiting and we’ll laugh together all the way to the bank! Now the conspirators, led by Overstock.com CEO Patrick Byrne, won’t be able to touch you either!
We’ve also got a deal for Herb Greenberg, who has continued to stonewall our request for an interview. Herb, write back. You’ll like our plan. In fact, here it is:
We’ll help you set up and distribute a “paid” newsletter, maybe like the one you recently discontinued. We hope it isn’t because you didn’t have enough subscribers, because here’s the good part. We’ll ask the big hedge funds and money managers to buy subscriptions for their employees, clients, friends and family, say at maybe $1,000 a year each; minimum bulk subscriptions, let’s say, will be about 1,000. We’ll keep half a million and you’ll keep half a million for each bulk subscription package we sell. There are lots of hedge funds, and we can even assign a reporter to each bulk subscriber to be sure our subscribers’ “needs” are well-served.
And don’t forget, our reporter can office at their favorite cooperating analyst firms, like yours and Jim's reporter Brian Harris allegedly did at Gradient Analytics, and we can pretty well assure the subscribing hedge funds wont be dissatisfied with the service. If needed, our reporters can even ghost-write the reports, like one of the affiants swore Brian did, saving them some money on using analysts credentialed by the CFA Institute. Now here’s the best part. You can knock some of these severely mismanaged companies in your newsletter. Heaven knows they deserve it. Where was Martha Stewart, for instance, while her company, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia (NYSE: MSO) was going into the toilet? Off on some vacation somewhere?
Afterwards you and Jim can go on CNBC and talk about how you were trying to save people money and misery by getting them to sell. Never mind that some holders will lose their pensions and health care and their kids won’t be able to go to college. That’s because they bet on bad management, not because our friends and subscribers diluted their holdings by selling stock they never intended to acquire or borrow. What’s a little law-breaking if it’s for a good cause?
Now, follow along with us here. After we knock it in the newsletter, and after our hedge fund subscribers have positioned, you can knock the company in your public column at Marketwatch and Jim can knock it on Mad Money on CNBC and TheStreet.com and our friends will be delighted! It won’t be necessary to disclose to the public that you’ve already written about the company in your newsletter; after all, we’re journalists and it’s not like we shared advance galleys or whatever it was that Winans guy did that got him in trouble (http://www.aim.org/publications/aim_report/1984/04b.html). Helping our friends front-run is not a problem because we’re journalists, and the SEC has already said it won’t touch us.
We have immunity, baby.
Linda, get a real job. We’ve had it up to here with right-meaning, straight-and-narrow enforcement officials trying to be good public servants. That’s old-school.
Now we journalists and politicians are in charge, and it feels good. Bermuda, here we come. We want to visit our money from time to time.
Pssst! Wanna buy some journalist credentials? We can fax your reporter status right over. We can even pre-date them if you’ve already received an SEC subpoena. Tell us what it’s worth to you.
[Gayle Essary, publisher of FinancialWire, actually went to J-School, served as a practicing journalist as reporter, editor and publisher over a four-decade span, and has been a member of the Texas Press Association and National Press Club and was even president of an Austin, Texas chapter of a national journalism society. His credentials are at investrend.com ]
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