FIVE SECONDS TO SALVATION
From 1997 til August of 2001, I, like so many others, spent far too much of my life reading and periodically interacting with the thoughts of others on this tiny island of cyber real estate. And, like many of them, I sought to increase my financial standing in the world via a market which seemed to have no top, only pauses. But for all my knowledge, it couldn't keep in check my impatient desire for financial liberty. I came to this site, an investor; I left on the verge of financial ruin. After returning home from a yearly visit with relatives, I turned on my computer and heard a loud "POP" fifteen seconds later. It seemed like the final nail in the coffin of my financial destiny.
For three months my computer stayed off. I had to re-learn what to do with my life without a computer. Only when my beloved wife SJ fixed my computer as a Christmas present for me at the end of 2001 did I turn it back on. However, having lost everything and then some trading, it seemed impractical to me to get back on-line. Cyberspace, absent of any reason to pursue financial information, simply had nothing to offer me. I bought a couple of CD-ROM games, and, except for infrequent uses of the word processor, used my computer for game playing.
My life didn't really change dramatically to speak of. Yes, I had a greater debt load because of my own foolish greed and blind stupidity, but it was manageable. But the Lord helped to compensate me for the income I was having to pay out because of the increased debt. I still had the same 8 - 5 job, still had a very loving and emotionally supporting wife, still had the same home, the same vehicles, pretty much the same everything. God gave me opportunities in areas where I could use my hands compensating for the time I wasted away on the computer. But I wasn't ever truly thankful for His Grace and Mercy upon me.
In the early part of the summer of 2003, I decided it was time to repaint the house. SJ had always wanted a house painted federal blue with white trim. I have to admit, the very light sky blue which adorned the 70's style siding didn't do much to inspire me either. So in June of 2003, I set about preparing the house for repainting. Now to get a true picture of what I went through to clean and paint our home, one must be made aware that there aren't to many homes in the area which are built on level ground. Most of the homes are built as if being built into the side of a hill. A person can own a two story home with a top story at ground level and a basement at ground level. Because two sides of our home have a thirty degree grade (just guessing), I had to figure out some way to be able to place the ladder on something level so I could work on the two sides of the house where the slope of the hill didn't impede my ability to work safely from a ladder. I took a bunch of pallets from work and terraced them up the sides of the house on the hill sides of our home. Then I took some old plywood sheets to place over the pallets providing an even surface on which to place the ladder. Yes, it took a lot of time going up and down the ladder, adjusting the height of the ladder, and moving the two-story extension ladder (heavy!) up and down the steps of the terraced pallets. By the first of July, I had most the trim of the house painted twice, and the bulk of the house painted in the federal blue (for some reason I thought it would take a couple of weeks to do the entire house.....uh...nope).
While second trimming in the blue around the areas where I couldn't adequately roll the paint onto the siding of the north side of the house, I was standing on the ladder about fifteen feet above the ground with the ladder at a fifty to sixty degree angle to the house when the following thought came to mind, "If God were to allow me to fall from this ladder, what would His purpose be for me?" You know, one of those rambling "what-are-the-chances" kinds of thoughts one has when one is doing a lot of something, completely oblivious to even the most remote possibility of such an action ever happening.
I had no sooner let that very thought pass through my mind and dip the brush into the bucket for the next set of paint strokes when the top of the ladder began clicking down the siding of the house with me on it. In the space of about five seconds, I learned a very uncomfortable lesson about gravity. By the time I was able to grasp the reality of what was happening to me, I was hitting the ground. My chin hit one of the rungs of the ladder forcing my jaw against my top, front teeth as soon as the ladder hit the ground. Stunned and partially dazed, I untangled my legs and arms from the rungs of the ladder. I didn't fall off the ladder. The ladder slipped off the plywood upon which it was sitting atop one of the pallets. Because of the angle I had placed the ladder at, my shifting around while on the ladder must have transferred enough energy to the bottom of the ladder for it to become unstable enough to slip off the plywood on which I had placed it. I immediately stood up, or stoopped up I should probably say, and with the fingers of my right hand began to probe my top, front teeth. Of course they're completely numb from the sudden force of my jaw slamming into them so without realizing what I might be about to do, I felt them with my fingers. Low and behold, I'm holding one of my teeth in my hand, and I never felt it come out!! Then the blood started coming.
SJ, for many days, had been feeling quite uncomfortable about my working from the ladder on the house. After hearing the crash of the ladder on the side of the house, she nervously came out of the house to investigate the cause of the noise. She was panic stricken when she saw the state I was in. To be fair, neither one of us had ever given any thought to any "what if" possibilities with regard to possible accident scenarios. I was my ever over-confident self, while she quietly worried. I made my way towards the car while she tried to grasp the situation and think of what we should do. I was way ahead of her. "Honey" I said, "get me a towel for my mouth and grab the keys; we're going to the hospital."
In forty plus years I never broke a bone, or for that matter was ever without some type of material safety net to catch me regardless of the circumstances. As I lay shaking uncontrolably from the chills caused by the induced shock, the very frightening realization of my current situation became all too clear; no health insurance, no disability insurance, and probably laid up ' for-who knows-how-long' living on the income of my wife and our meager savings. While I should have sought the shelter of deep depression, I was still curious as to why I fell with the ladder to the ground immediately after quietly wondering if God would have a purpose for me should such a thing happen. Well, it happened!
When I was very young, I met and formed a relationship with a very wonderful woman which lasted from the time I was around eight or nine years old until she passed away in the year 1999 or 2000. Vivian, the woman I had met, was an invaluable storehouse of God's Word. Truly, as much as I cared about her, I would frequently tell her not to go on so much about God. Vivian was, no doubt in my mind, a Christian's Christian. She didn't just talk about God; she lived for God. Vivian was plagued with different ailments most of her life having been crippled at an early age. She had a vision of Jesus at the age of twelve while standing in the backyard of her home. She started out as a Baptist, but eventually joined the Seventh Day Adventist church. I don't ever remember talking with Vivian without her mentioning Jesus in one way or another. One of Vivian's afflictions was her spine. She would be laid up for days due to the pain. She told me once that she would praise and worship God, and thank Him for His love and mercy. I decided, as I laid in bed the day after my accident, I would thank and praise God that my injuries were far less severe than they could have been. The change had begun.
One day I'm living my life one day til the next, and then all of a sudden I find myself in a position where I can't work even if I wanted to. With all this time on my hands and pretty much nothing to do but keep my left arm elevated (I fractured a small bone that connects one's thumb to one's wrist) and watch tv. I started out with the usual stuff on the tube, but eventually began to channel surf. I happened onto TBN and actually listened long enough to become interested in hearing the message at the time. When the program ended, I just kept on watching......one minister after another. For three or four hours I watched TBN, or the Church Channel, or Daystar, clicking back and forth between the three stations.
On one of the programs was this petite, blond-haired woman going on about the story of Elijah and how he put all the priests of Baal to shame. She was preaching like no one I had ever heard or seen in all my life. About half way through her message, I began to feel a welling of emotion and tears beginning to form in my eyes. I turned off the tv. Later, I started wondering if I had put the 'ka-bosh' to something which was supposed to happen, or if it was merely a coincidence. Curious, the next day I started watching TBN and the other Christian related stations. Lo and behold the station was showing the same tape of the message being given by the same petite, blond-haired woman. At the exact same point in her message, the exact same thing began to happen to me as the day before! With tears streaming down my face, I turned down the volume, knelt down in front of the couch, clasped my hands together as best I could, and bowed my head. That early July day, letting it all go, I asked God to heal my soul.
From the 10th or 11th of July of 2003 til the first week in October of 2003, I couldn't get enough of God. With a passion, I began reading God's Word. Every day, before doing anything else upon waking in the morning or laying my head down to sleep I would talk to God. During the day, I watched the Christian tv stations or spent time reading the Bible. Ten days after the accident, I went back to work. Of course I had on a cast extending from the mid point of my left forearm to the palm of my hand, but I was able to do most of the things I did without the cast. Two weeks after the accident, I felt a yearning to go to church. About mid July, one Saturday morning, I was about to enter the Seventh Day Adventist Church near my home when I noticed by the little note on the door that I had missed the main worship service. Had it not been for a woman of the church who happened to walk into the foyer while I was standing at the door, I may have never gone in. She saw me standing at the door and came over to invite me in. For the first two weeks it was Sabbaths only, and then it progressed into Tuesday night Bible study. The people who attended the Adventist church were the friendliest people I had ever met of all the different denominations of Christianity. I began to immerse myself even deeper into my passion for God. I totally lost my desire to watch anything on tv with any kind of sinful content. I also realized that the wandering eyes I let go where they wished stopped wandering. I totally lost my desire for sexual gratification. I went up to a couple of my co-workers and asked them to forgive me for the way I had treated them over the years. I was on FIRE with a passion for all things of a godly nature. But it wasn't going to last.
The third Tues. in September during the course of the weekly Bible/prayer get-together, I felt this cold chill coming upon me. I also began to feel angry toward some of the people who were some of the most dependable in the church. I tried to shake it off and pay it no mind. The following Tues. night the same thing began to happen about midway through the study time together. Why was this happening to me?! The next day, around ll:30 a.m., while running a 1250 offset press, this voice was repeating the Lord's name in vain over and over. I couldn't make it stop. I couldn't control my cravings to smoke. I began to doubt my ability to make my bi-weekly tithe and make ends meet as well. Practically every day for the previous thirteen years, I went home for lunch at 12 p.m. While sitting on the couch watching the Christian tv stations, I snapped. I walked outside my home, looked toward the sky, and said, "If you're not going to help me, I'm not going to serve you!" Walked back into the house and lit a cigarette. When I finished the cigarette, I lit up another one. I had determined that for some reason unbeknown to me, God just didn't want to help me, or so I thought. That same Wednesday evening, my wife expressed a desire to watch one of a series of videos the church had loaned me. I had been praying for her for a long time. I thought, "Well, okay, we'll watch it." It was on the Sabbath and how man had changed the Sabbath from Saturday to Sunday. Of course the main culprit to the demise of the Sabbath is Catholicism which went over about as well with my Catholic raised wife as a BLT at an Adventist Sabbath luncheon. SJ began to debate the validity of the scriptures and their meaning with me even after we had turned to them in our Bibles. After about half an hour of weary debate, I looked up toward the ceiling and said, "You're too late! Why do you always wait until the very last minute?!" SJ suddenly begins to cry thinking she has done something to bring about my angry retort to God. I told her (truthfully) it wasn't her fault.
The next day, so used to my morning routine (skipping prayer) I turned on the tv and began to watch Paula White. She was asking for money to increase her ability to reach a wider audience; I smugly flipped the channel. On the next station, Gregory Dickow (Chicago) was about to deliver a message about "Walking in the Spirit". I could feel a tugging sensation in my inner being, but determined to deny God, I turned off the tv. At work, the voice in my head the day before had become quiet. About midway through the day, I proclaimed to all within earshot that I was going back to the way I used to be. I abruptly stopped going to church. I even determined to start doing work on the Sabbath; it was difficult at first. Ever so slowly, the spirit of God began to seep out of my being, but I just didn't care. The Tues. following the third Sabbath of October, about halfway into the regular meeting, I walked into the sanctuary and told the dependable tuesday evening group that I wasn't going to be coming back. What I thought was the end was meerly a very hard lesson on the road to salvation.
In October of 2003, the man for whom I had worked thirteen and a half years sold his business. We, Bob's employees, were informed by Bob that he had decided to sell his business to a fellow who was currently a competitor on a much smaller scale. However, before the hand-off was to take place, John, the new owner, was going to move his business into the building so that our current customers could get used to the idea of John being associated with the business's future. John moved into the building in November of 2002. It was assumed at the time that it would only be a matter of a couple of months before John had arranged financing to buy the business from Bob. But that is not quite how it worked out.
In the eleven months prior to the "changing of the guard" I, along with my co-workers got to know John fairly well. Our former employer would allow us to come in on weekends or late at night to finish work without supervision. Our former employer would let us take off afternoons early. Our former employer allowed us to come in late to work every day just as long as the work got done. Our former employer worked just as hard as we did or harder. Our former employer, Bob, was as different from John as night is to day. John made the mistake of thinking he was going to be able to sit in the captain's chair and guide the ship without having to put to much effort into it while the employees made sure everything ran smoothly. John apparently never caught on to just exactly what Bob's most valuable trait was, his ability to pay attention without being intrusive. Eventually, Bob sold his business to John on a contract for deed basis because John was unable to arrange financing by any other means.
So now John is in charge. John is seemingly amiable and full of ideas. He intends to increase the business and hires a former co-worker of his (and at one time, ours‘) to increase production. Everything is running along smoothly with a few glitches here and there, but nothing serious. Then Christmas time comes. In the previous years, Bob gave everyone the same amount of bonus money. Nothing extravagant, but a nice bump for christmas shopping. John buys us a cheap lunch and gives us all a three hundred percent cut in our bonus money.
Around January of 2004, I began to become more and more aggitated at work. I knew I was doing more, but not seeing the reward I felt was due me. The seeds of anger I thought were gone when I gave up on God only went dormant. By February, when my work wasn't getting one hundred percent of my attention, I was feeding my thoughts with anger. I was so mad. The more I thought about the things which made me angry, the angrier I would become. By March I spent my entire day thinking of ways to repay those for the injustices they had done me. I felt like the seems of my very being were going to explode at any given moment into an uncontrollable rage. I even contemplated taking my own life, but then my faithful, loving wife would be left to pick up the pieces left behind by my self-inflicted demise. This led to even more unthinkable thought manipulation.
In February, SJ's sister suffered a heart attack. Concerned for her only sibling, SJ asked me to pray for her sister. I was reluctant, but told her I would. I didn't really believe it would do any good especially given my own experience in October. Before falling asleep a couple of days after SJ had asked me to pray for her sister, I was reminded of her request. I really didn't want to do it, but I love my wife and wanted to honor my promise to her to pray for her sister. I clasped my hands together and brought them against my face as I laid in bed. One of the hardest things for me to do was to utter the first two words......"Dear God,". I prayed for her sister that night and kept on praying. I told myself that even if God wouldn't help me, maybe he would hear my prayers for others. So every night before going to bed, I would pray for the safety of my family members and SJ's family members. SJ's sister made it through the operation and was on the road to recovery about a week later.
In April, John put his only hireling in charge of everyone he inherited from Bob. I was praying every night before laying down to sleep, but the angry feelings I was carrying around during the day weren't subsiding in the least. One night, half way through the month of April, I looked towards the ceiling in the darkness of my bedroom and asked God to take my life. I asked Him to prevent me from putting into action all the terrible things I had spent many of my days in the previous months thinking about. I was so sick of my life. I was desperate to rid myself of the rage I was carrying around inside of me day after day. I fell asleep that night quietly weeping after asking God to please help me.
The very next night, after having prayed for my family, I remembered something Vivian had given me a long time ago. It was a white, glossy square with a round, green circle attached to it which had an arrow on it called "The Bible Guide". I got out the guide, and after looking over the different subjects, turned the arrow to 'Liberation' because I wanted to be liberated from the uncontrollable anger which was plaguing my life. The corresponding bible verse was Galatians, chapter 5, verse 1: "Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage". I really didn't understand how that was going to make any difference in my situation, so I continued to read the chapter. Then I came to verse 7: "Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth? (v.8) This persuasion cometh not of him that calleth you." Verses 14 - 18: "For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.(v.15) But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.(v.16)This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.(v.17)For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.(v.18)But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law." Every night for about two weeks I read Gal., chapter 5, sometimes out loud.
In the prior year, from July to October, I would say over and over whenever a bad thought would begin to manifest itself, "I rebuke you satan with the blood of Jesus." When I was first saved in the summer of 1980, I remembered the time, working and living alone, when I was laying in bed one night and feeling as if there was something evil in the room with me. I pulled the sheet up over my head and repeated over and over til I fell asleep the name of Jesus. I decided to do the same thing at work every time I began to slip into the state of mind when I would start to think of subjects which would eventually make me angry. Every time an angry thought would begin to manifest itself in my mind, I would whisper the following three or four times, "Jesus is Lord, Jesus is Lord, Jesus is Lord." When the angry thought was gone, I would say this three times, "Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus." When I said the phrase, I believed it!
My parents came for a visit the weekend of May 1st. One of the things the Lord gave to do with my hands was to make planters. I had a new 'crop' ready for sale, and asked the lady that owns and operates an antique mall near our home if I could set my planters out for sale at her business. I knew she would say yes. So I took seven of the planters up to her business on Friday, May 1st. and set them out for sale. For three days I took them up to her business, and for three days I picked them up and brought them home; none of them sold. Before my parents left to go home, I sent three of the smaller ones along with them to be placed in a flower shop of a woman who has been selling them for me at her shop in my hometown. The next weekend, May 7th to 9th, was Spring War Eagle Weekend. I took my remaining four planters up to the antique mall on Friday morning and picked them up on Friday evening. That night I wondered if I should set them out on Sat. because it was the Sabbath. I reasoned that I had no control over whether or not the planters sold on a Saturday at the flower shop, so surely it would be alright. Set the planters out Saturday morning, picked them up Saturday evening.
Sunday, May 9th, I got up a little later than I had planned and didn't get the planters up to the antique mall until around ten o'clock in the morning. When I got home, I took sir-barks-a-lot for a walk. As I was coming up to the front door of our home after returning from our walk, I could hear the voice of the woman who works at the mall leaving a message on our answering machine. Hurrying, I fumbled for my key to unlock the door. When I picked up the phone, I could hear her telling someone that I must not be home. In vain, speaking loudly, "Nancy, Nancy don't hang up!" Click, she hung up. I put the phone back on the machine, ran out the door to the truck, and raced to her business. When I walked into her business, she turned towards me and said, "Oh, here he is. These people are interested in your planters." A couple from Topeka were down for the weekend and bought two of the four planters I had for sale. During the time I was explaining the crafting and so forth, they asked me if I would be interested in whole-selling the planters to them for re-sale!!
When I returned home I had yet to eat something for breakfast. Around eleven o'clock in the morning, standing in the kitchen about to grab the bowl and the cereal, I started to thank God aloud for the sale of the planters. Without any pre-inclination, suddenly, the most amazing thing I ever experienced began to happen to me. This indescribable joy just flooded my body over, and over and over and.......beginning at the top of my head and flowing through my body to the bottom of my feet. I could actually feel it moving through me. The more I thanked God over and over, the more the flood just kept coming!! About a week or so prior to the experience, I had quietly thought to myself that it would surely be boring to praise God for eternity like the four and twenty elders spoken of in the book of Revelations which spend eternity praising God kneeling before his throne in heaven. If what I experienced is anything like what the elders are doing for eternity LET ME BE ONE OF THE ELDERS!!!
Later in the day, around six o'clock in the evening, I went up and retrieved the remaining two planters. As I was headed home, I thought I would ask a neighbor who has a massage therapy business in her home if she would mind letting me put one of the planters on her porch for sale in view of her clients. Carol is a devout Catholic and as loving and kind as the day is long. I was pretty sure she was a Christian after the many long talks we had had when I would happen to meet her while she was walking with her dog. So as I was getting the planter to show her, I began to relate the events of the previous hours of the day. When I got to the part about what had happened in the kitchen at home and how it happened, IT STARTED HAPPENING AGAIN!! The flood of joy began to pour over me! And I realized something, the anger was gone. It was GONE! About a week later, on a tues. evening around 7:30 p.m., I walked into the sanctuary of the Adventist church and proclaimed to the faithful few, "I know I'm late, but I hope I'm not TOO late."
After Memorial Day, the business at the print shop began to slow significantly. The Kord pressman quit a week later after he'd had no work for an entire week (he'd been employed eight years longer than I). When the current owners set a new policy concerning vacation, I was put in a position of not being able to use vacation days for the lack of work which eventually began to affect my hours. So I filed for partial unemployment. In the entire 14+ years I had worked for Bob, nobody ever had to file for unemployment due to lack of work. The new owners began to systematically make things more difficult for me after they learned of the unemployment filing. Truly, it was also testing my own faith, but God never left me. It was during this time God showed me why forgiveness is so important, and why I must forgive John for his unfair treatment towards me. Being unforgiving will cause one to be unable to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but more importantly, could cause the one with whom one is at odds with, if they're unsaved, to remain unsaved. 2nd Peter 3:9, "The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that ALL should come to repentance."
I put up with John for six weeks before taking a job elsewhere. I walked away from 14+ years as a binder at a print shop to go to work at a conveinence store. I've made more money working at the store for less an hour per week than I did working for John the previous nine months. But more importantly, God, through the Spirit of his only begotten Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, has given me more opportunities to share my faith than I ever would have had working with and for the same 5 or 6 people day in and day out behind closed doors.
God IS, and Jesus LIVES! I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and I still make mistakes every day, but I know I have a Saviour which loves me unconditionally and is faithful to His Word. I've had so many prayers answered I've lost count. I've also had plenty of tearful moments, but Praise be to our Lord, Jesus has been with me every step of the way. At one time, I would have been shy about sharing my belief in Jesus. Now, I look for ways to share my knowledge of His reality.
Merry Christmas......Jesus IS the REASON for the season. |
