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Technology Stocks : Dell Technologies Inc.
DELL 40.01-0.7%Jan 30 4:00 PM EST

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To: Sig who wrote (147673)11/18/1999 8:51:00 PM
From: Jumper  Read Replies (1) of 176386
Church Of Dell - A Quarterly Worship Series

Announcer: Direct from Heaven- The Category Killing quarterly earnings show. all-WorldScom studio transmission DIRECT to the Trillion Planet consumer base.

...a Surround Sound studio presentation...

...Dreamworks presents-

Austin Powers: How you like those earnings baby?- RRRRRRRR You DellHeads like a good shagging OOOOOOOO Behave...

Congregation: Shag Me Baby! Give it to me the DIRECT way!

Austin Powers: Your Bad Baby; SLURP Buyin it hook line and sinker. RRRRRRRRR! Yeah! Put your hands in the air for the big Mac Daddy!

Congregation: Thou art God brother dell!

MDell: Stand firm children. Satan rises against us. Arm yourself for battle with P-III laptops of righteousness for tomorrow is a new day.

Abby: You're beautiful! Amen Brother!

MDell: Let the devil shake the earth if he has to- nothing will stand in our way!

FatFriarJoeB:YES! A one time event Sir! ... Bump on the golden road to Glory Sir!

MDell:I have a vision!

Abby: I want to see you in spandex!

MDell: Austin, make sure this lovely lady gets a backstage pass!

AustinPowers: Yeah Baby! Abby gets her protein Baby! RRRRRRR-

MDell:Our new P-III 600 dual processor line "Box of Salvation" connects you DIRECTLY to the source.

FatFriarJoeB: Correct Sir! YES! DIRECT to GOD - a personal relationship. Orin Hatch eat your heart out!

MDell: In my vision, little old ladies who are life insurance policy holders will be converted to stock holders!

Congregation: Hallelujiah! Set them Free! Get that money in the market!

MDell: These senior citizens will need DIRECT access to the 24/7 global capital markets to trade these portfolios and I see a Dell Dementia on every Bridge Table!

FatFriarJoeB: Acts 2:17 "In the last days...Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, (and) your old men will daytrade Nasdaq dreams 24/7 with full level II streaming quote feeds on big fat Dell PC's!

MDell: You are on fire tonight Fat Joe!

FatFriarJoeB: Ultimate Tout at your service Sir!

MDell:Power down your Dell notebooks and let us pray. Our Father, who sits to my left, we stand before you heads bloody but unbowed and offer this earnings report for your general amusement.

Saint Barnum I evoke your powers to go forth with my army of DellHeads- the true keepers of the flame. If faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, the financial report before you can move my stock.

Yeah though I diversify my holdings by unloading my personal position in this high flyer, I humbly place my fate in the hands of Trader-Nation Junkies! Buy those call options, eat that American Pie, and swill down your 6 pack.

FatFriarJoeB: AMEN! Two fisted, Joe 6 Pack drinkers made this solar system what it is!

MDell: Praise Me! May profits be with you!

Congregation: And with you- cash out O-Lord

Austin Powers: You heard it BABY! Big Mac Daddy has his Mojo risin'! RRRRRRR!

Announcer: That concludes the Dell quarterly pep rally.

(Rapid legal disclosure)
Forward looking statements may be baloney. Unforeseen events like declining margins, make-believe sales forecasts, and silly go-go-analysts on our payroll may put a cramp in your wallet.

If additional planets of consumers are not added at the rate of 5 a day or should our component suppliers be forced to raise wages from $8cents an hour, operating results may vanish into the void faster than a presidential cigar
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