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 Coffee Shop | LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE - Tell us a joke


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To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (6252)7/23/1998 3:08:00 PM
From: JakeStraw   of 49182
 
I love it. Just for the funk of it!!

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To: JakeStraw who wrote (6253)7/23/1998 3:16:00 PM
From: Henry Volquardsen   of 49182
 
Absofunkylutley. We got the funk gotta get the funk.....


put some funk in his trunk

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To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6254)7/23/1998 3:19:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.   of 49182
 



Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down and the boogie and play that funky music 'til you die


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To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (6255)7/23/1998 3:25:00 PM
From: JakeStraw   of 49182
 
"Give Up The Funk
(Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)"
Tear the roof off, we're gonna tear the roof off the mother, sucker
Tear the roof off the sucker
(x4)

You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round
(x2)

Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk

(x2)

La la la la la
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, owww!
(x2)

You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round
(x2)

Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk
(x2)

La la la la la
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, owww!
(x2)

We're gonna turn this mother out (x2)

You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round
(x4)

Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (let us in we'll tear this mother out {after 2nd &
3rd})
We gotta have that funk
(x7)

Ow, we want the funk (we're gonna turn this mother out)
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (we're gonna turn this mother out)
We gotta have that funk
(x2)

Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (let us in we'll tear this mother out {after 2nd &
3rd})
We gotta have that funk
(x2)

We want the funk
Give up the funk
We need the funk
We gotta have that funk
(x3)

La la la la la
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, owww!
(x2)

You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down (x2)
There's a whole lot of rhythm going down
You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going down

Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (let us in we'll tear this mother out {after 2nd &
3rd})

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To: JakeStraw who wrote (6256)7/23/1998 3:30:00 PM
From: Frank A. Coluccio   of 49182
 
A Monkey Can Do It

A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please". The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer,
saying "That'll be $5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his
monkey.

Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That was a very expensive monkey-most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?" "Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. He says to the shop keeper, "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff."

The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000. He gasps to the shop keeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?" "Well," says the shopkeeper, "I don't know if it does anything, but he says he's a Consultant."





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To: JakeStraw who wrote (6256)7/23/1998 3:30:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.   of 49182
 



The Clinton Song

If Clinton had AIDS, we'd have a cure in a year
We'd be doing much more if Al Gore were a queer
We'd be close to a cure if Hillary were a guy
It'd be priority one if one of them were going to die

If Clinton were a woman, there'd be no more glass ceiling
Equal rights, equal pay, the old boys' club would be reeling
He'd have a much higher voice; he'd have much smaller bones
If Clinton were a woman, I'd pay to see him with Paula Jones

If Clinton liked rap, he'd be hooked on ebonics
He'd be hard to decode, but a lot more laconic
He'd be one bad, righteous, dope homey mo-fo
If Clinton liked rap, Hillary would be the first ho

Greed Seed

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To: Frank A. Coluccio who wrote (6257)7/23/1998 3:38:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.   of 49182
 
Good one. The guy who came up with the idea to call
brine shrimp 'sea monkeys' is a retired millionaire.
He lives next door to the guy who invented pet rocks.

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To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (6259)7/23/1998 3:46:00 PM
From: Urlman   of 49182
 
Not A Joke but a Quote "Go Bannana" -Ralph Wiggum (EOM)

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To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (6259)7/23/1998 9:20:00 PM
From: Daniel Miller   of 49182
 
I have been lurking this thread for awhile I thought it would only be right to share at least one joke.



SIGNS YOU HAVE A DRINKING
PROBLEM

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interferring with your drinking.
Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
When you can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Every woman you see has an exact twin
You fall off the floor...
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
The glass keeps missing your mouth!
Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women].
Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFER!!!!!!
Roseanne looks good.
Don't recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
I'm as jober as a sudge.
You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the
Halekulani in Waikiki.
You've fallen and you can't get up.
When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle - please pass the ice pack....
BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
Your name is Ted Kennedy.
Foster Brooks appears sober to you.

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To: Daniel Miller who wrote (6261)7/23/1998 10:00:00 PM
From: Daniel Miller   of 49182
 
CEO Party

A CEO (and member of Forbes 400!) throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent
mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen.
The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an
executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each
of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to
the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate.
Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in
the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the
pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes. The
flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in
my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"

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