DO YOU KNOW THE FRONT FROM THE BACK OF A TREE?
A Georgia Cracker decides to travel north to the Mason Dixon line and when he crosses over to Pennsylvania he likes the Appalachians so much, he decides to stay. First, he has to find a job.
So he walks into the International Paper office and fills out a job application as an experienced timber inspector.
It's his lucky day! They just happen to be looking for someone, but the foreman doesn't trust this good old southern boy - so he takes him for a ride into some planted forest in the company pickup to see what he knows. The foreman stops the truck at the side of the road and points out a tree: "See that tree over yonder? I want you to tell me what it is and how much lumber we can get out of 'er."
The redneck promptly answers, "That thar's a white pine, 283 board feet of lumber, easy."
The foreman hides it, but he's reluctantly impressed. He puts the truck in gear and stops again another mile down the road to an old-growth forest. Pointing at another tree in dense thicket, he asks the same question again, knowing that identification is a little trickier with this one.
"That's a loblolly pine, and she's got about 456 clear board feet on 'er," says the redneck.
The foreman now is really impressed with this good ol' boy, he's been quick and dead on with the answers without using a calculator or reference. Time for one more test.
They drive a little bit further and the foreman stops and points again through the window to a tree across the road and says, "What about that one?"
But before he even finishes, the redneck says "White Oak, 265 board feet at best."
The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office, a little ticked off because he thinks this redneck might be smarter than he is. As they get near the office he pulls over and asks the ol' boy to step out of the truck. He hands him a piece of chalk
"See that tree over there?" he asks."I want you to mark an "X" on the front side of that tree," thinking to himself he's got him stumped this time, so to speak.
When Bubba reaches the tree, he walks around it in a clear circle looking around the tree and up the trunk. Finally he reaches up and carefully marks the "X", walks back and hands the chalk to the incredulous foreman. "That thar's the front," he says.
The foreman laughs and asks sarcastically, "How in the hell do you know that's the front of the damn tree?"
The good ok' boy looks down at his feet while rubbing the toe of his left boot, cleaning it in the gravel, spits and says "'Cause somebody took a dump behind it."
Needless to say he got the job,
Regards to all