PastimesLaughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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From: cole steel2/17/2012 6:52:01 PM
6 Recommendations   of 58479
Senior's Moment

A 75-year-old man went to the doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."

The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.

The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with he teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get that damn jar opened!"

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To: PlayItDown™ who wrote (46296)2/17/2012 7:18:26 PM
From: Aggie
   of 58479

Good one. We should be so lucky, that all of these jokers would be stuck on an uncharted island in the middle of nowhere and no way to get off it.

The only way to improve upon this fantasy would be to increase the population by at least as many equally useful Democrats - about 50 should do it. Think "Munsters".

Keep Praying.


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To: Mad2 who wrote (46299)2/17/2012 9:07:20 PM
From: Oblivious
2 Recommendations   of 58479
I have to Snope that. LOL!!!

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To: PlayItDown™ who wrote (46296)2/18/2012 12:13:27 AM
From: dacoola
   of 58479
Whoa....Sarah got a new uplift bra.

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To: Aggie who wrote (46301)2/18/2012 1:45:14 AM
From: High Grader
   of 58479
We have a lot of politicians in Canada who could help out on that island. Baffin Island would be perfect IMHO.

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From: TechKim2/18/2012 1:29:26 PM
   of 58479
What is the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?

Answer: Getting them back in the wheelchair.

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To: TechKim who wrote (46305)2/18/2012 2:17:24 PM
From: Stan
   of 58479
That would make them vegetarian cannibals.

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To: Stan who wrote (46306)2/18/2012 3:17:47 PM
From: High Grader
   of 58479
You should stick to fruits.

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To: High Grader who wrote (46307)2/18/2012 3:28:12 PM
From: ManyMoose
3 Recommendations   of 58479
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall..
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer..'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No...'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't..'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it

up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

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From: ManyMoose2/18/2012 3:39:47 PM
1 Recommendation   of 58479
Our house was broken into last night by two robbers who locked me in the bathroom, and proceeded to steal all they could carry. Our watchdog 'Killer' did not alert us at all, and for this reason we are giving him away.

We no longer want this dog. We've decided on installing an electric fence and detection devices with alarms. They're cheaper to maintain and definitely more reliable.

For those interested in adopting the dog, please send an e-mail immediately. 'Killer' is fun to hang out with, but otherwise pretty useless.

A recent photo of 'Killer':

Killer is a Norwegian Beer Hound... he is 100% purebred.

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