LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE - Tell us a joke | Stock Discussion Forums

SiliconInvestor

register

Sponsor

register

Coffee Shop | LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE - Tell us a joke

Previous 10 | Next 10

From: Doug Coughlan	11/19/2008 9:57:40 AM
	11 Recommendations of 49018

These are not jokes but they may make you smile and feel good. What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined See what you think: 'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8 'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4 'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5 'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6 'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4 'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7 'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' Emily - age 8 'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) 'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet) 'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7 'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' Tommy - age 6 'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8 'My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6 'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5 'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7 'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' Mary Ann - age 4 'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4 'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7 'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6 'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8 And the final one The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Share	Recommend \| Keep \| Reply \| Mark as Last Read

From: Neeka	11/20/2008 4:44:14 PM
	2 Recommendations of 49018

2008's First Christmas Joke Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates". The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man said, "These are Carols." And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Share	Recommend \| Keep \| Reply \| Mark as Last Read \| Read Replies (1)

From: Carolyn	11/21/2008 11:01:45 AM
	4 Recommendations of 49018

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.' The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.' The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers. .. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.' But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he observed: Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

Share	Recommend \| Keep \| Reply \| Mark as Last Read

From: JBTFD	11/21/2008 12:50:56 PM
	2 Recommendations of 49018

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man... The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he is a Drug Enforcement Agency officer and the dog is a 'Sniffer dog'. 'His name is Smithy and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.' The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says: Watch this.' He tells Smithy to 'search'. Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, 'Good boy', and he turns to the man and says: 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm m aking a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.' 'Say, that's pretty neat,' replies the first man. Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making note of his seat number for the police.' 'I like it!' says his seat mate. The agent then tells Smithy to 'search' again. Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment and then comes raci ng back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to sh-t all over the place. The first man is really amazed by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks the agent 'What's going on?' The agent nervously replies, 'He just found a bomb.'

Share	Recommend \| Keep \| Reply \| Mark as Last Read

To: 22jt who wrote (39465)	11/23/2008 9:00:25 AM
From: long-gone	2 Recommendations of 49018

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!" His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?" "No, I couldn't find her head." A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds. "How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac. Silence fell... then everyone turned to the masochist and asked: "So, what's it gonna be?" To which he replied, "Meow!" I feel that i was unjustly sacked from my job yesterday. My boss felt that having sex with the clients wasn't "appropriate" so he fired me. That's the last time I work for an undertaker. What's the definition of necrophilia? Cracking open a cold one! Remember - It's not Necrophilia if she's on life support!

Share	Recommend \| Keep \| Reply \| Mark as Last Read \| Read Replies (1)

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (39476)	11/23/2008 10:15:59 AM
From: long-gone	of 49018

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?' 'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.' So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. 'A female horth.' So he shows him a prized filly. 'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth'? So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. 'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth'? So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. 'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf'? The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth. 'Nice mouf, can I see her twot'? Totally mad as fire at this point,the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.'Perhapth I should rephwase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit'? I read in the paper the other day how a clairvoyant midget escaped from prison. The headline said 'Small Medium at Large'. What do you call a dwarf Eskimo with a hard-on? A frigid midget with a rigid digit!

Share	Recommend \| Keep \| Reply \| Mark as Last Read

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (39483)	11/23/2008 10:32:26 AM
From: long-gone	3 Recommendations of 49018

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes, the Greek guy says, "well, we have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "we have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "we Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "but we built the Roman Empire" And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "we invented sex!" The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly, "that is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

Share	Recommend \| Keep \| Reply \| Mark as Last Read

Previous 10 | Next 10

Copyright/IP Policy

Copyright © 1995-2013 Knight Sac Media. All rights reserved.