Coffee Shop | Jokes and Humor Only


Previous 10 | Next 10 
From: kidl5/10/2012 8:39:42 AM
3 Recommendations   of 2290
 
An old Marine pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked: 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied: 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said: 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"

He replied: 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.

Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read

From: 22jt5/10/2012 2:15:11 PM
2 Recommendations   of 2290
 

Paul Newman





Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this.... True story. (if you don't understand this, tell your mother, she'll get it)





A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.
She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.
There was only one other patron in the store:
Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes.
The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.
Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!
The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty.
Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight.
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman.
His face broke into his familiar, warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman,
'You put it in your purse'.


Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read | Read Replies (2)

To: 22jt who wrote (2058)5/10/2012 2:21:20 PM
From: Cautious_Optimist   of 2290
 
One of the great urban legends! :-)

snopes.com 

Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read | Read Replies (1)

To: 22jt who wrote (2058)5/10/2012 3:17:45 PM
From: Zilyunz2 Recommendations   of 2290
 
Many years ago a couple of buddies and I were at a nightclub in Aspen Colorado in the summertime. After a while, John Travolta came in with a couple friends and sat down at a booth nearby. It was a large L-shaped floor space, and we were in the smaller room in back to the side of the long main room. To use the ladies room, you had to come to our side room, and then go downstairs. Within minutes, there was a line of 30-40 women from all over the nightclub that all had "to go" as an excuse to see the actor. As they walked by, they all shot a quick glance at the actor, both coming and going, but since everyone was trying to be cool, no one did more than that, except for one lady that apparently knew him and sat down with him for a few minutes. Of course, everyone was hoping to see him dance, but that ended up not happening. After a while, the fervor quieted down most of the way, and folks mostly went back to their own doings. Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and it was John, asking me if a sweater that apparently fell off the back of a chair at the table next to mine, was mine. Part of me thought of saying "Oh you are John Travolta can I have your autograph!" The other part of me said just be cool, which won out. Besides, he had just finished doing Grease, and I hated disco. I simply said "No," he set the sweater down, and left. Not exactly a joke, but utterly true, and I think, funny.

Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read

From: The Jack of Hearts5/10/2012 4:15:29 PM
2 Recommendations   of 2290
 
From: russet5/10/2012 4:13:50 PM

of 115135

Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read

To: Cautious_Optimist who wrote (2059)5/10/2012 4:18:44 PM
From: 22jt   of 2290
 


Scotch With Two Drops Of Water....

Snope this one......









A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.



As the bartender gives her the drink she says:

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'



The bartender says:

'Well,since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.

In fact, this one is on me.'


As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says:

'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'


The old woman says:

'Thank you.Bartender,I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up' says the bartender.


As she finishes that drink,the man to her left says:



'I would like to buy you one, too.'



The old woman says:


'Thank you.Bartender,I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'


'Coming right up' the bartender says.


As he gives her the drink,he says:


'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'


The old woman replies:


'Sonny,when you're my age,you've learned how to hold your liquor...

Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'




Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read

From: kidl5/12/2012 4:10:45 AM
3 Recommendations   of 2290
 
My boss phoned me today.

He said, "Is everything okay at the office?
I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?" My boss asked.
I said, "Of course, what is it?"

Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you."

Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read

From: kidl5/16/2012 2:59:57 PM
3 Recommendations   of 2290
 
An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber?

There are a few moments silence, then one elderly gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:

'I think my wife may have caught a glimpse....'

Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read

From: teevee5/18/2012 9:27:44 AM
2 Recommendations   of 2290
 
A British Columbia Indian picks up a hooker off the streets of Vancouver .
'How much you charge for hour, sister?' he asks.


'$100,' she replies.


He says 'You do Indian style?'


'No' she says.


'I pay you $200 do it Indian style'


'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.


'I pay you $300'


'No', she says.


'I pay you $400'


'No', she says.


So finally he says,

'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style..'


She thinks,

'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdos from every
part of the world. How bad could Indian Style be?'


So she agrees and has sex with him.They do it in

every kind of way and in every possible position.


Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says,
'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and
disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Indian style?'



The Indian replies 'You send bill to Government.'







Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read

From: kidl5/23/2012 7:15:23 PM
3 Recommendations   of 2290
 
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.

WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........."WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT......I'M GETTING A FAX!!"

Share Recommend | Keep | Reply | Mark as Last Read
Previous 10 | Next 10 

Copyright © 1995-2013 Knight Sac Media. All rights reserved.