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From: The Jack of Hearts5/10/2012 4:15:29 PM
2 Recommendations   of 2300
 
From: russet5/10/2012 4:13:50 PM

of 115135

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To: Cautious_Optimist who wrote (2059)5/10/2012 4:18:44 PM
From: 22jt   of 2300
 


Scotch With Two Drops Of Water....

Snope this one......









A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.



As the bartender gives her the drink she says:

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'



The bartender says:

'Well,since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.

In fact, this one is on me.'


As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says:

'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'


The old woman says:

'Thank you.Bartender,I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up' says the bartender.


As she finishes that drink,the man to her left says:



'I would like to buy you one, too.'



The old woman says:


'Thank you.Bartender,I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'


'Coming right up' the bartender says.


As he gives her the drink,he says:


'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'


The old woman replies:


'Sonny,when you're my age,you've learned how to hold your liquor...

Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'




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From: kidl5/12/2012 4:10:45 AM
3 Recommendations   of 2300
 
My boss phoned me today.

He said, "Is everything okay at the office?
I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?" My boss asked.
I said, "Of course, what is it?"

Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you."

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From: kidl5/16/2012 2:59:57 PM
3 Recommendations   of 2300
 
An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber?

There are a few moments silence, then one elderly gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:

'I think my wife may have caught a glimpse....'

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From: teevee5/18/2012 9:27:44 AM
2 Recommendations   of 2300
 
A British Columbia Indian picks up a hooker off the streets of Vancouver .
'How much you charge for hour, sister?' he asks.


'$100,' she replies.


He says 'You do Indian style?'


'No' she says.


'I pay you $200 do it Indian style'


'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.


'I pay you $300'


'No', she says.


'I pay you $400'


'No', she says.


So finally he says,

'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style..'


She thinks,

'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdos from every
part of the world. How bad could Indian Style be?'


So she agrees and has sex with him.They do it in

every kind of way and in every possible position.


Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says,
'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and
disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Indian style?'



The Indian replies 'You send bill to Government.'







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From: kidl5/23/2012 7:15:23 PM
3 Recommendations   of 2300
 
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.

WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........."WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT......I'M GETTING A FAX!!"

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From: The Jack of Hearts5/24/2012 4:26:56 PM
7 Recommendations   of 2300
 
From: russet5/24/2012 4:20:31 PM

2 Recommendations of 216759
At an Irish wedding reception the D.J. yelled: “Would all married men please

stand next to the one person who had made your life worth living.”

The bartender was almost crushed to death.


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From: Aggie5/25/2012 7:05:32 PM
2 Recommendations   of 2300
 

Word of the day for Friday



TGIF Regards to all,

Aggie

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From: 22jt5/25/2012 10:34:36 PM
   of 2300
 
What do you think?





Did Philip Fart?


What do you think?










The expressions are priceless!
Look at the Queen's face!




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From: kidl5/26/2012 6:30:10 AM
3 Recommendations   of 2300
 
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and I know he won't ask for directions."

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